Royals and Rio

Friday, April 29 was a fun day. I got an early start, 4:30am to be exact, and I was able to take in two enjoyable events: the Royal Wedding and Fast Five. Yeah, I know what you're thinking:

"Oh no, you're not one of those people who actually got up early to be obsessed with a silly wedding on the other side of the world, are you?"

...or maybe...

"Oh no, you're not one of those people who actually spent money to see another terrible permutation of Vin Diesel's biceps and Paul Walker's terrible acting, are you?"

Well, in answer to both of these questions...Heck yes, I am!


First of all, the Royal Wedding was totally sweet. I got up early with 3 friends - Nathan, Luke, and Kelly - and we ate biscuits and crescent rolls as we watched all the glamour, glitz, and wedding bliss. Cynicism and negativity will do nothing to dampen my spirits on that one.



Second of all, Fast Five was rad. I went with 4 friends - Andrew, Hilary, Alicia, and Paul - and we ate popcorn and peanut butter M&Ms as we watched all the action, races, and car chases. Haters and film snobs will do nothing to harsh my buzz on that one.

What's interesting, though, is that when I was on a leisurely jog later that day, I began to realize that my two viewing experiences actually had a lot in common. How could that be, you say? One was an historical event of pomp and circumstance that captured the attention of people all over the world and broke records for online viewing. The other is the fifth installment of a car caper franchise, set in Rio De Janeiro and packed with plenty of chrome and crime. What could they possibly have in common?

Well, I'm glad you asked! Here are Five Reasons the Royal Wedding and Fast Five Go Together Like Birds of a Feather.

1. Lots of Good Looking People
Kate Middleton (bride) is gorgeous,and her sister Pippa (maid of honor) is also very beautiful. Jordana Brewster (Mia) is quite a looker, and Gal Gadot (Gisele) isn't very hard on the eyes either. And for the ladies, Prince William (groom) and his brother, Harry (Best Man), are some handsome royal fellas. Paul Walker (Brian O'Connor) and Vin Diesel (Dominic Toretto) also bring some looks and charm when they come to play (or drive).

2. Pimpin' Rides
Speaking of driving, the wedding and the movie both utilized some pretty noteworthy vehicles:
- Kate Middleton and her father arrived at Westminster Abbey in the Queen's impressive 1977 Rolls-Royce Phantom VI. The newly wedded couple rode from the Abbey back to Buckingham Palace in the 1902 State Landau carriage, originally built for King Edward VII, the same carriage used by Prince Charles and Diana on their wedding day. Finally, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge made their final getaway in Prince Charles's 1969 Aston Martin DB6 Volante MKII which, in the name of the environment, was converted to run on ethanol made from wine.
- Early in the movie, Vin Diesel makes a quick escape from a train in a 1966 Corvette Grand Sport, driving it just long enough to rescue Paul Walker and then take it off the edge of a cliff (nothing you didn't see in the trailer, so I'm not spoiling anything). Dwayne Johnson, who plays DEA agent Hobbs, rolls in a Gurkha LAPV, a cross between a Hummer and a tank, with bullet-proof armor and the ability to drive straight through solid concrete walls (as well as Diesel's classic 1970 Dodge Charger). Finally, there are the two modified 2010 Dodge Challengers that Diesel and Walker use to drag a vault around the crowded streets of Rio.

3. Rocks
This one is easy. Kate Middleton chose some tasteful bling: she wore the sparkly, diamond encrusted Cartier "halo" tiara, lent to her by the Queen, and some custom acorn-motif Robinson Pelham diamond earrings, inspired by the new Middleton family crest. As for Fast Five...Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...need I say more?

4. Substance and Filler
In both the wedding and the movie, there were some great moments. During the wedding, I really enjoyed the vows, the musical selections, and even the Bishop of London's sermon. As for the movie, there was no shortage of edge-of-you-seat action during the car chases, there were a few hilarious one-liners, and the fight scene between Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was awesome...colossally awesome. In the midst of these high points, though, was a great deal of filler material. The wedding had the obvious pomp and circumstance that took time, but there was also the 45 minute delay between the royal couple's arrival back at Buckingham Palace and their appearance on the balcony for their first kiss as husband and wife and the fly over by three Royal Air Force planes. Don't get me wrong, it was worth the wait, but having gotten up at 4:30am to start watching, it took some coffee to keep me conscious during the lag time. Fast Five had a lot of action, as I said before, but let's just say that there were several scenes that were probably meant to "advance the plot" that did little more than confirm everyone's suspicions that the Dodge Challengers in the movie had roughly the same acting chops as most of the actors. It was still totally worth it, though, and I don't begrudge the movie for being exactly what it was designed to be: mindless action.

5. Happy Endings
Finally, both the wedding and the movie had happy endings. Yeah, I know this one is easy and cheesy, but it's true. Who doesn't like to see a newly-wedded couple share a kiss (two, actually), smile at one another, and then drive away in a car as they begin their new life together? And who doesn't like to see the good guys pull off the job, get the girls, and then banter about their driving skills as they sit and share some brews on the beach? We'll see what the future holds for the Duke and Duchess, and we'll see if the Fast franchise keeps its wheels turning, but on April 29, 2011, both finished well.