Things I Think About While Driving...

Life in the Pain

2012-01-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

A confluence of events - a verse, two books, a song, and several conversations - has provided some serious food for thought lately, and I find myself consistently mulling over the idea of the role of suffering in the life of a Christ-follower.

Luke 9:23 - "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

This verse is the basis for Kyle Idleman's book, Not a Fan. I picked it up shortly before Christmas (actually, I downloaded it for $3.99 on the Kindle app on my computer), and I'm finding it both enjoyable and convicting. To be honest, I think it is a Gen-X repackaging of a lot of what Bonhoeffer wrote in Cost of Discipleship (book #2), but Idleman does a great job of explaining the subject matter while simultaneously engaging our current American culture, as well as our current American Christian subculture. He is winsome, yet bold; funny, but sincere. His thesis is that Jesus does not call us to be fans (avid supporters), but rather to be committed followers. It's not merely semantics; it's a crucial delineation by those who like the idea of Jesus and those who love the person of Jesus. What does it look like to really love Jesus and to truly follow Him?

Add to that a song that has been on repeat in my head lately - "Life in the Pain" by SafetySuit. The chorus gut-punches me every time I hear it:

"And what you don't know, it won't hurt you

And what you don't know will save you from some pain

But if I could choose, I'd let it hurt you

'Cause there's something 'bout life in the pain"

Ouch.

And if all that wasn't enough, I seem to keep having a consistent conversation with several of my close friends: if we serve a Messiah who suffered...and if our goal is to be like our Messiah...then don't we, necessarily, have to suffer? If so, what does that suffering look like? What does it look like to be a follower of a Master who was eventually shunned and murdered for His radical message of grace? Does our current American Christian subculture model that kind of living, or have we strayed from our Master?

What does this look like in our churches? What does this look like in our families? What does this look like in our individual lives?

Taking it out of the safety of abstraction - what does it look like for me, Josh, to be a follower of Jesus? What role does suffering play in my life...and what role should suffering play in my life? "There's something 'bout life in the pain." What is that something?

Free and Insecure

2011-11-28T18:32:00.000-08:00

I have a friend named Justin Anderson, and I've written about him before in my blog. He's a wise dude, a trusted friend, and a man of God. He writes GREAT music, and this fall he released an album called Paper Candle. (It is awesome, and you should listen to it asap.)

The third song on the album, "Free and Insecure," has given me endless food for thought in the last year or so of my life. You can listen to it here. These are the lyrics:

The fireworks end, and we go to bed

With a metric ton of dissonance in our heads

We lay ourselves down, and we fall asleep

Hoping our aversion somehow meets our needs

We're so afraid, we're so afraid

So open up all the doors and start laying down all your arms

You might finally be free and insecure

And open up both your hands and stop making such war with them

You might finally make peace with where you are

The truth of it is we're afraid to be quiet...

As the weight of mystery presses in on us

But there's somethings you and I are just not meant to know

Can we just stop to wonder that we're even here at all

And open up all the doors, start laying down all your arms

We might finally be free and insecure

And open up both your hands and stop making such war with them

You might finally make peace with where you are

And I'm wise enough to know that I'm young

But I know that there's a war in us

And the only way we're gonna make peace is to give up

'Cause we're trying so hard to believe

That being strong will make us free

When the only thing we really need is a little honesty

So open up all the doors, start laying down all your arms

You might finally be free and insecure

And open up both your hands, stop making such war with them

You might finally make peace with where you are

I can't tell you how many times I've listened to that song, and each time it's like a gut punch that I don't want to end. Free and insecure. My type-A, academic, control-freak nature leads me to believe that those concepts are at odds, but I'm starting to believe that there is freedom in insecurity. I'm human, and that means I'm not God, and since God is the only one who has it all figured out, maybe I'd be a whole lot happier if I accepted that insecurity is where I'm supposed to live. I mean, we all have insecurities, and no matter how hard we try to hide them, we still end up living with them. Maybe saying that out loud and admitting to our weaknesses isn't as bad as we think it is going to be. Maybe self-acceptance and radical dependence on God will be a whole lot more fulfilling than continuing to play the part of someone who is independent and has it all together.

I could write more, but for now my recommendation would be that you listen to the song again...and again...and again.

(For more on Justin and Paper Candle, you can read this interview he did with Proclaim Radio.)

Good Books

2011-11-26T18:21:00.001-08:00

Josh to Self: "Super good job at keeping up the blog. Way to really stick with it since moving to Colorado."

Self to Josh: "No one cares."

Josh to Self: "Touche."

The above is true, both in dialogue and content, but I'm going to venture another post.

I find that I have a stronger proclivity to write when I am reading good books, and I have recently read (or am currently reading) some great ones.

I read Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott back in October, and it was AMAZING! Ms. Lamott's writing is refreshingly authentic, and her faith story is in no way a "neat and tidy" Christian anecdote, making it very appealing to me. I read it in two days, crying on and off through the whole book. It ruined me for a good week or so, but in that way that we all so badly need to be ruined.

I'm in the process of reading East of Eden by John Steinbeck. I actually wrote a short post on my church blog about a line of dialogue that got my brain going. It's the first fiction book I've read since Harry Potter 3 back in the spring. No offense, since it's kind of apples and oranges, but Steinbeck can write circles around J.K. Rowling.

I'm also re-reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Talk about ruining me...with every page I feel like I'm getting smacked up side of my head...sometimes gently, sometimes by a 2x4. And yet I am compelled to keep reading. There is something exhilarating about being challenged, particularly when the challenge sinks in beyond the academic or intellectual realms and into the most guarded places of your being. Bonhoeffer hits me where I live, disassembling my carefully constructed comforts of complacency and leaving me with nowhere to hide from the truth that I can't stay the way I am.

I hope to write more soon, probably about those books or at least the ideas they have stirred in me. In the meantime, forget about my words and go read one of those books (insert Levar Burton, "But don't take my word for it" Reading Rainbow moment here).

Colorado - The First 30 Days...Arrival and Kids Camp

2011-07-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

I live in Colorado now...yikes. I grew up in Minnesota (God's Country), I lived in Florida for a year and change, I spent the last four years living in Chicago, and now I'm a Coloradan. Honestly, I thought that graduating from seminary was going to be my ticket right back to Minnesota, but instead I followed the call to "Go West, young man!" (For those of you who are Michael W. Smith fans, yes, I am thinking about the song and God's leading, not Horace Greeley's invitation for westward expansion as a part of Manifest Destiny.)
So, I've been here for just over a month, and in that month I have spent far less time on the interwebs than I did while I was a student. It seems like there was a direct proportionality between the number of papers I needed to complete and the number of times I would check facebook in a day. Huh. Anyway, as I am coming back to the world of technology, I thought it might be fun to post a little bit about my first month living in Colorado. Here goes...

On Tuesday, June 14, Brad Robertson and I climbed into the cab of a U-Haul truck and spent 17 hours driving from Chicago, IL to Aurora, CO. (See right for a pic of us being sexy/contemplative in formal wear) It was a long day, but a good one, and there was a lot to keep us busy during the journey. Our activities included, but were not limited to:

- Me refusing to talk because I was sad about leaving my friends and family in Chicago
- Brad refusing to accept my refusal to talk because he didn't want to spend 17 hours with a sad clown
- GREAT conversations with Brad about life, love, and God
- Watching Justin Beiber's "Never Say Never" while Brad drove (Don't knock it 'til you watch it...it's good!)
- Continuous commentary on the poor driving skills of others on the road
- Stopping at the World's Largest Truckstop at Exit 284 of I-80 in Walcott, IA (this was a highlight for me)
- Being super-power bored in Nebraska because...well, it's Nebraska.
- Cleaning our windshield in eastern Colorado because we could not see through the smear of insect carcasses
- Getting lost with only 5 miles left in a 1,006 mile journey

We did make it safely to Aurora, and there we were greeted by my friends Justin and Holly, who graciously let us sleep at their house for the night. (Yes, they are really, really, ridiculously good-looking.)

Brad and I spent the next couple days moving me into my apartment, getting me settled, and fighting like a married couple in the aisles of Target because, according to Brad, my tastes in decorating are "tacky" and I need to start being a grown-up instead of a college freshman. It was all good, though, and I appreciate EVERYTHING Brad did for me in getting me here, getting me settled, and helping me make my new apartment feel "homey" before he went back to MN. Thanks, Brad.

Brad left that Friday, but it wasn't long before I was good and busy with meeting new people and getting plugged into my new community at Arvada Covenant Church where I was starting as the Director of Young Adult Ministry and Contemporary Worship. I was supposed to start on Monday, June 20, but that was actually the first day of Kids Camp (Vacation Bible School), and as a volunteer for the program, I attended training on the Friday night that Brad left, and then it was kind of off to the races from there.

I wouldn't have had it any other way, though, and my first week went by like a blur as each morning began with 450 kids from age 5 through 5th grade coming to the church for a morning of learning and fun. I volunteered in Lower Rec, which meant that my mornings consisted of playing thematic games with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders. It was hot and sunny, so our games usually involved water in one way or another, and by the end of the week, our creativity waned and we basically just threw water at the kids as they ran around in the grass.

It was a fantastic first week because, as someone who has spent a great deal of time at camp, I felt at home in the creativity and chaos. It was also a great chance for me to see the whole church come together for a common purpose, and Stacee, the Director of Children's Ministry, did an AMAZING job of mobilizing 100+ volunteers to love on kids for five days.

Soon to come - "Mountains and Meetings" - stay tuned...

Royals and Rio

2011-04-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Friday, April 29 was a fun day. I got an early start, 4:30am to be exact, and I was able to take in two enjoyable events: the Royal Wedding and Fast Five. Yeah, I know what you're thinking:

"Oh no, you're not one of those people who actually got up early to be obsessed with a silly wedding on the other side of the world, are you?"

...or maybe...

"Oh no, you're not one of those people who actually spent money to see another terrible permutation of Vin Diesel's biceps and Paul Walker's terrible acting, are you?"

Well, in answer to both of these questions...Heck yes, I am!

First of all, the Royal Wedding was totally sweet. I got up early with 3 friends - Nathan, Luke, and Kelly - and we ate biscuits and crescent rolls as we watched all the glamour, glitz, and wedding bliss. Cynicism and negativity will do nothing to dampen my spirits on that one.

Second of all, Fast Five was rad. I went with 4 friends - Andrew, Hilary, Alicia, and Paul - and we ate popcorn and peanut butter M&Ms as we watched all the action, races, and car chases. Haters and film snobs will do nothing to harsh my buzz on that one.

What's interesting, though, is that when I was on a leisurely jog later that day, I began to realize that my two viewing experiences actually had a lot in common. How could that be, you say? One was an historical event of pomp and circumstance that captured the attention of people all over the world and broke records for online viewing. The other is the fifth installment of a car caper franchise, set in Rio De Janeiro and packed with plenty of chrome and crime. What could they possibly have in common?

Well, I'm glad you asked! Here are Five Reasons the Royal Wedding and Fast Five Go Together Like Birds of a Feather.

1. Lots of Good Looking People
Kate Middleton (bride) is gorgeous,and her sister Pippa (maid of honor) is also very beautiful. Jordana Brewster (Mia) is quite a looker, and Gal Gadot (Gisele) isn't very hard on the eyes either. And for the ladies, Prince William (groom) and his brother, Harry (Best Man), are some handsome royal fellas. Paul Walker (Brian O'Connor) and Vin Diesel (Dominic Toretto) also bring some looks and charm when they come to play (or drive).

2. Pimpin' Rides
Speaking of driving, the wedding and the movie both utilized some pretty noteworthy vehicles:
- Kate Middleton and her father arrived at Westminster Abbey in the Queen's impressive 1977 Rolls-Royce Phantom VI. The newly wedded couple rode from the Abbey back to Buckingham Palace in the 1902 State Landau carriage, originally built for King Edward VII, the same carriage used by Prince Charles and Diana on their wedding day. Finally, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge made their final getaway in Prince Charles's 1969 Aston Martin DB6 Volante MKII which, in the name of the environment, was converted to run on ethanol made from wine.
- Early in the movie, Vin Diesel makes a quick escape from a train in a 1966 Corvette Grand Sport, driving it just long enough to rescue Paul Walker and then take it off the edge of a cliff (nothing you didn't see in the trailer, so I'm not spoiling anything). Dwayne Johnson, who plays DEA agent Hobbs, rolls in a Gurkha LAPV, a cross between a Hummer and a tank, with bullet-proof armor and the ability to drive straight through solid concrete walls (as well as Diesel's classic 1970 Dodge Charger). Finally, there are the two modified 2010 Dodge Challengers that Diesel and Walker use to drag a vault around the crowded streets of Rio.

3. Rocks
This one is easy. Kate Middleton chose some tasteful bling: she wore the sparkly, diamond encrusted Cartier "halo" tiara, lent to her by the Queen, and some custom acorn-motif Robinson Pelham diamond earrings, inspired by the new Middleton family crest. As for Fast Five...Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson...need I say more?

4. Substance and Filler
In both the wedding and the movie, there were some great moments. During the wedding, I really enjoyed the vows, the musical selections, and even the Bishop of London's sermon. As for the movie, there was no shortage of edge-of-you-seat action during the car chases, there were a few hilarious one-liners, and the fight scene between Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was awesome...colossally awesome. In the midst of these high points, though, was a great deal of filler material. The wedding had the obvious pomp and circumstance that took time, but there was also the 45 minute delay between the royal couple's arrival back at Buckingham Palace and their appearance on the balcony for their first kiss as husband and wife and the fly over by three Royal Air Force planes. Don't get me wrong, it was worth the wait, but having gotten up at 4:30am to start watching, it took some coffee to keep me conscious during the lag time. Fast Five had a lot of action, as I said before, but let's just say that there were several scenes that were probably meant to "advance the plot" that did little more than confirm everyone's suspicions that the Dodge Challengers in the movie had roughly the same acting chops as most of the actors. It was still totally worth it, though, and I don't begrudge the movie for being exactly what it was designed to be: mindless action.

5. Happy Endings
Finally, both the wedding and the movie had happy endings. Yeah, I know this one is easy and cheesy, but it's true. Who doesn't like to see a newly-wedded couple share a kiss (two, actually), smile at one another, and then drive away in a car as they begin their new life together? And who doesn't like to see the good guys pull off the job, get the girls, and then banter about their driving skills as they sit and share some brews on the beach? We'll see what the future holds for the Duke and Duchess, and we'll see if the Fast franchise keeps its wheels turning, but on April 29, 2011, both finished well.

Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down

2011-03-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

A List of My Opinions on 10 Topics of Varying Importance

1. Cloudless skies and bright sunshine (a recent weather pattern here in Chicago)...Thumbs Up.

2. Justin Bieber and Rascal Flatts getting together on "That Should Be Me"...Thumbs Up.

3. Sprint's network problems that mean I get text messages only when I place calls...Thumbs Down.

4. Taking a Sunday afternoon nap yesterday...Thumbs Up.

5. Getting my parents hooked on Friday Night Lights (TV show)...Thumbs Up.

6. My best boy Tim turning 29 last week...Thumbs Up.

7. A venomous Egyptian cobra going missing at the Bronx Zoo...Thumbs Down.

8. Sylvester Stallone deciding to launch a menswear line...Thumbs Confused.

9. Blog posts about Rob Bell's new book written by people who have not read Rob Bell's new book...Thumbs Down.

10. My friend Keith being cast as Smee in threesixty's production of Peter Pan (coming to Chicago)...Thumbs Up.

Perspective

2011-01-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

Happy 2011! For anyone who might read this, I hope your year is starting off well.

Over the Christmas break, I had the pleasure of seeing my great friends, Kurt and Tara. They live in Washington, D.C., so face time is a little harder to come by these days, and I always look forward to big holidays because it might mean that they will be in Rochester at Kurt's folks' house. Fortunately, they were there just after Christmas, so I got some time to hang with them, see their girls, and, as always, be impressed with how smart they are and how much they love Jesus.

We always have deep conversations, you know, the kind where you skip right the heart of the matter and say what's really on your mind. I love it. While we were talking one night, I was explaining that, even as a soon-to-be seminary graduate, I still wrestle with big questions of faith. I talked about how prayer often confuses me. I know prayer is a good thing (talking to God seems pretty amazing), and I know prayer is a big part of the Christian life (Jesus sure seemed to do it a lot), but how does it work? When I say to someone, "I'll pray for you," am I guaranteeing some outcome? Does the timing of my prayer have to match up with the concern I am bringing to God? Can a person pray retroactively? Is there a "right way" to pray to make supplications more effective? Is prayer about compelling God to act, or is it maybe more about just spending time talking with God? Do our prayers change God's mind, or through prayer, does God change our minds?

Just as the train was really leaving the station and I started in on the theological implications of prayer, Kurt stopped me. He said, "When you tell someone, 'I'll pray for you,' what you're really saying is, 'Today I'm going to talk with the Creator of the universe, who made everything, including human beings, and who loves us and has made Himself accessible to His creation to the point that we can have conversations with Him. When I talk with Him today, I'm going to talk to Him about you.'"

For anyone who knows Kurt (and for those who don't, I'll try my best to describe accurately), you know that there are times when he talks with a matter-of-fact tone by slowing down his words and speaking very clearly. It's that tone you often hear from professors and Nobel laureates and other people who are ridiculously intelligent. Kurt definitely has it, and I think he gets it from his dad. Anyway, it was that tone that Kurt used when he said, "When I talk with [God] today, I'm going to talk to Him about you."

What a simple, intimate thing to say. No guarantees, no magical formulas, no prescribed outcomes. No highfalutin language, no awkward platitudes, no empty Christianese. Just, "When I talk with God today, I'm going to talk to Him about you."

I like it, Kurt. Thanks for the perspective.

Tonight

2010-12-13T09:14:00.000-08:00

My last class of the semester is tonight. Actually, it's my last class of my last semester of academics at North Park Seminary. I may try to audit a class this spring, mainly because some of my favorite professors have been on sabbatical this fall, but tonight marks the last class period in which I will turn in homework, take notes, and/or be responsible for the material in a "getting graded for it" kind of way.

It's one of those things that I've been anticipating for so long that now that it has arrived, it feels a little anti-climactic. Maybe that's okay, though. For a while, I think I've seen this day as the end of my educational journey, but maybe this is just the end of this phase of education. As much as I'll be glad to be done with classes, I'm not closing the book on learning.

A Baby Changes Everything

2010-12-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

Faith Hill has always ranked high on my list of favorite singers. Once again, she delivers a stellar performance with elegance and passion. This song is quickly becoming one of my all-time favorite Christmas tunes:

...And So Is My Brother

2010-10-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I talked about how I am both a Christian and anti-bully, including any bullying concerning one's sexual orientation. Well, so is my brother. You should read his thoughts here.

I Am Anti-Bully

2010-10-06T16:41:00.001-07:00

The news of the suicides of Billy Lucas, Asher Brown, and Seth Walsh is terrible. There has been a lot of talk, blogging, etc. surrounding the circumstances of their suicides, the causes of these desperate decisions, and how we, as a nation, are going to move forward to try to prevent tragedies like these from occurring in the future.

I read an interesting blog just a few minutes ago, and one paragraph stood out to me...and by "stood out," I mean it made be want to punch a hole in the wall:

"Some Christian conservatives believe such laws [anti-bullying legislation] communicate approval of homosexuality and thus disapproval of traditional Christian teaching on sexuality."

Okay...

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

I know it may be space-saving, but seriously, those Christians should consider removing their heads from their butts long enough to get a breath of fresh air and perhaps a healthy gulp of sanity. Really...you're so worried about protecting your "traditional Christian teaching on sexuality" that you're willing to stand IDLY BY while people are bullied to the point of depression, hopelessness, and even suicide...really?

People are dying...three boys literally killed themselves because they thought it was better than having to endure more ridicule, criticism, taunting, intimidation, dehumanization, and bullying...and you're worried that helping them out might accidentally be misconstrued as approving of their lifestyle and somehow shake the very foundations of your religious platform?

I don't have anything nice to say, so I'll share a snippet from Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel:

There is a fascinating passage in chapter 8 of John's Gospel about the woman caught in sin. Remember how the crowd dragged her before Jesus and asked, "What do we do about her? She was caught in adultery. Moses says we should stone her, but the Romans won't let us stone people. What do You think?"

Jesus ignores them and begins to write in the sand. Then He looks up and says, "Well, let the one here who hasn't committed any sin throw the first rock." One by one they drift away. Then Jesus says to the woman, "Is there no one here to condemn you?"

She says, "No one, Lord."

He says, "Okay, go, and don't commit this sin anymore."

Get the picture? Jesus didn't ask her if she was sorry. He didn't demand a firm purpose of amendment. He didn't seem too concerned that she might dash back into the arms of her lover. She just stood there and Jesus gave her absolution before she asked for it.

The nature of God's love for us is outrageous. Why doesn't this God of ours display some taste and discretion in dealing with us? Why doesn't He show more restraint? To be blunt about it, couldn't God arrange to have a little more dignity? Wow!

Now, if we were in His position, we'd know perfectly well how to behave...I don't think anyone reading this would have approved of throwing rocks at the poor woman in adultery, but we would have made darn sure she presented a detailed act of contrition and was firm in her purpose of amendment. Because if we let her off without saying she was sorry, wouldn't she be back into adultery before sunset?

No, the love of our God isn't dignified at all, and apparently that's the way He expects our love to be. Not only does He require that we accept His inexplicable, embarrassing kind of love; but once we've accepted it, He expects us to behave the same way with others. I suppose I could live, if I had to, with a God whose love for us is embarrassing, but the thought that I've got to cat that way with other people - that's a bit too much to swallow.

Well said, Brennan.

How is it that a people who are supposed to be known for their love (John 13:35) are balking at the chance to help people who are being tormented?

The good news is, there are people out there speaking out against the intolerance and hate. My friend, Nathan, just wrote a post about this and included videos of Ellen Degeneres, Andrew Marin, and Tim Gunn speaking out as people who want to be part of the solution. Chris Colfer just released a video on youtube with a similar theme. While the majority of conservative Christianity gets its crap together, listen to those voices.

Here's the deal: it frustrates me to no end to read a blog on CNN.com that talks about conservative Christians living into the stereotype of being small-minded, scared, and alarmist. I'm a conservative Christian...I don't like being painted with that brush. I choose a different brush: "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control." (2 Tim. 1:7)

I am a Christian, and I am anti-bully.

Lion/Lamb

2010-08-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from Dorothy Sayers' The Jesus Book:

"The people responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus never accused him of being a bore - on the contrary: they thought him too dynamic to be safe. It has been left for later generations to muffle up that shattering personality and surround him with a yawning ho-hum atmosphere of tedium. We have efficiently trimmed the claws of the Lion of Judah, certified him 'meek and mild,' and recommended him as a fitting household pet for pale curates and pious old ladies. To those who knew him, however, he in no way suggested a milk and water person; they objected to him as a dangerous firebrand. True, he was tender to the unfortunate, patient with honest inquiries, and humble before Heaven; but he insulted respectable clergymen by calling them hypocrites...he went to parities in disreputable company and was looked upon as a drunkard and a glutton...he assaulted indignant tradesmen and threw them and their belongings out of the temple...he showed no proper deference for wealth or social disposition...and he asked disagreeably searching questions that could not be answered by rule of thumb. He was emphatically not a dull man in his human lifetime."

Translations

2010-08-16T20:32:00.001-07:00

Bible translations...there are many. The King James Version, the New King James Version, the Revised Standard Version, the New Revised Standard Version, the Inclusive Bible, the Living Translation, the New International Version, Today's New International Version, etc...there are many. I've had several conversations lately about translations that have expanded my understanding of the issue. As with so many "issues," talking face-to-face with other people has helped move me from hypothetical rhetoric to helpful realizations about why my opinions may fall short of "the big picture." (For a great read on moving from issues to people, check out my friend Nathan's blog post.)

So, the majority of my life I've read the New International Version. It wasn't really until college that I realized that not everyone preferred the NIV. I encountered people who had strong feelings about translations versus paraphrases, gender inclusive versus literal translation, original idioms versus culturally updated language, etc. These discussions are an interesting part of Biblical scholarship, and there are tons of people who are way smarter than me who have spent their lives coming up with good ideas about how to handle such debates. There's a time for everything under the sun (Biblical wisdom from Ecclesiastes applying to Biblical discussions...ironic), but the time, more precisely the place, for those discussion is not now.

***Okay, I was going to keep going with the paragraph above, but I just got sick of my own need to sound well-balanced and level-headed. I also realized that I just listed a bunch of discussions with an air of superiority like "I could totally discuss that stuff if I wanted to, but I'm just so awesome/humble/salt-of-the-earth that I won't show off by doing that." Boo. Here's the deal: I know some stuff about translations, but not a lot. I can "name drop" words and phrases, but the reality is I have had a fairly unexamined view of the issue because I haven't really needed to think about it other than discussing it briefly during a few classes. I'll get back to the original point of this post, hopefully avoiding any more self-aggrandizing nonsense.***

I think personal stories can open our minds in powerful ways. Here's one:

I was sitting at supper with a friend a couple weeks back. We had just moved some furniture in his apartment and, generous man that he is, he offered to take me out to supper. We went to Firehouse Grill, a restaurant in Evanston whose decor is firehouse themed and whose menu is like a high-end version of your usual Applebee's-esque grill food. I thought it was a classy joint and my friend mocked me both for my unrefined palette and my misguided use of the phrase "classy joint." Valid, perhaps…

So, my buddy and I get talking about Bible translations. He had brought it up earlier in the day when we were chaplaining together at the hospital, saying that he was excited for his new copy of the Inclusive Bible. Between bites of my delicious buffalo chicken wrap, I asked him why he liked his new Bible. He shared some of the story of how and why he got it, and we ended up talking about queer theory in reading the Gospels. He explained that according to this understanding, when John is described as the apostle whom Jesus loved, it means that Jesus had same-sex attraction for John. I asked for further clarification, no doubt doing a terrible job of masking the panic I was feeling as a carrier of the evangelical gene that compels me to immediately shoot down statements that threaten my understanding of God.

My friend's patience seemed undaunted by my insecurities, and he continued to explain what he meant and why it was important to him. He wasn't saying that Jesus and John were lovers, just that there was attraction between them. He said that, as a gay man, he found comfort in this reading. I asked him, "Why?"

"Because I'd like to think that Jesus knows exactly how I feel."

Somehow these words cut through my defenses. I stopped readying rebuttals in my mind, and all the steam I was gaining for a counter assault dissipated in an instant, leaving me with just enough air for a heartfelt "Huh."

Why wouldn't he want his Savior to know exactly what it's like to be him? How could I have possibly expected that such familiarity would not be important to him?

I don't have it all sorted. I don't agree with my friend's same-sex attraction reading of Jesus' love for John, but I think I understand why he would read it that way. We were able to discuss it without the standard vitriolic reactions that I so often hear (sometimes from my own mouth). My friend shared his ideas and I shared mine. I don't think either of us changed the other's mind, but somehow that's okay. I didn't "win the argument," but I think something better happened: I gained insight into why it makes a difference to my friend.

This conversation at Firehouse Grill has added to my understanding of why people read different Bible translations. I think it’s a good thing. Maybe I’ll write more about it in a future post, but for now I’ll just share that story – I’m sure glad my friend shared his.

A Happy Thought

2010-08-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this story from The Relentless Love of Jesus by Brennan Manning:

Several years ago, Edward Farrell, a priest from Detroit, went on a two-week summer holiday to Ireland to visit relatives. His one living uncle was about to celebrate his eightieth birthday. On the great day, Ed and his uncle got up early. It was before dawn. They took a walk along the shores of Lake Killarney and stopped to watch the sunrise. They stood side-by-side for a full twenty minutes and then resumed walking. Ed glanced at his uncle and saw that his face had broken into a broad smile. Ed said, 'Uncle Seamus, you look very happy.' 'I am.' Ed asked, 'How come?' And his uncle replied, 'The Father of Jesus is very fond of me.'

Ragamuffin

2010-08-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday evening, and I'm still listening to the new Andrew Peterson album. I like his songwriting. I never really listened to him before a few years ago, but for some reason his music takes me back to the way I felt when I was growing up listening to Rich Mullins.

Speaking of Rich Mullins, he wrote a testimony in Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel:

"I owe Brennan Manning thirty dollars for lecture tapes I bought from him on an I.O.U. I'm not writing this foreword because of that debt. I simply mention it because indebtedness is a condition indicative of ragamuffins - a condition we all share, until we lose ourselves in the liberating, healing, invigorating truth to which these pages bear testimony.

My introduction to Brennan Manning's work came on a drive south from Manhattan, Kansas, through the edge of the Flinthills. It is a beautiful drive, best accompanied by the music of Aaron Copeland...or by pure silence. When a friend put a tape of one of Manning's lectures in my truck's tape player, I objected. But my friend said, 'Just give it ten minutes.'

Five minutes later, I steered the truck onto the shoulder of the road. My eyes were so full of teas, I could not see to drive.

I have attended church regularly since I was less than a week old. I've listened to sermons about virtue, sermons against vice. I have heard about money, time management, tithing, abstinence, and generosity. I've listened to thousands of sermons...but I could count on one hand the number that were a simple proclamation of the gospel of Christ.

That proclamation is the message I heard that day. And it did what the gospel can't help but do: it broke the power of mere "moralistic religiosity" in my life, and revived a deeper acceptance that had long ago withered in me.

In our society, we tend to swear unyielding allegiance to a rigid position, confusing that action with finding an authentic connection to a life-giving Spirit. We miss the gospel of Christ: the good news that, although the holy and all-powerful God knows we are dust, He still stoops to breathe into us the breath of life - to bring to our wounds the balm of acceptance and love. No other author has articulated this message more simply or beautifully than Brennan Manning.

I owe Brennan Manning thirty dollars, and I expect to get it to him soon. But I owe him an even bigger debt for the freedom he helped me find through this book...and the greatest debt of all to the God whose grace extends to - and especially for - the ragamuffins of this world."

Wherever you're at, whatever season of life or frame of mind you find yourself in today, go read The Ragamuffin Gospel. Go buy it right now at Barnes and Noble or order it online from Amazon. Get it from your church library or a friend's house. Whatever you need to do, get this book...it will change your life. I already typed out Rich Mullins' words, so I feel like I don't need to do the trademark Levar Burton, "But don't take my word for it..."

Chances are, I'm going to be mentioning it in future blog posts, but that's not why you should read it. You should read it because it "is a dangerous book. It will shake you to your core and shuffle every idea you've neatly arranged in your brain."

Go read it.

Something

2010-07-30T20:32:00.001-07:00

It's Friday night. I'm sitting at home listening to the new Andrew Peterson album, "Counting Stars." I haven't blogged for months. It wasn't really a conscious decision, I didn't decide to take the summer off...it sort of just happened.

I've been working at Evanston Hospital this summer as a chaplain. To be honest, it's been exhausting in a way I've never really experienced. I see the 5% of people's lives that sometimes even their best friends don't see: the sickness and sadness, the doubt and death. It's strange and unsettling and oddly numbing. I'm learning and I don't always like it. I try to focus on the moments of light: hearing good news about a patient's biopsy, seeing a smile break through the anesthesia after a successful surgery, peering in a room to see the empty bed of a patient who has gone home. It's tough to remember these things, though, and sometimes my days seem to support the pessimistic philosophy of "Life sucks and then you die."

I have been deeply affected by what I see each day, but not in the ways I imagined I would be. I don't sit and cry with patients. I don't always have encouraging words that bring comfort and peace to those in pain. It's not like Grey's Anatomy or Tuesdays with Morrie...it's not picturesque, there is no swelling soundtrack of stringed instruments, and the lessons I am learning are not always uplifting ones. A lot of the time I get really nervous and I can't wait to get out of the room. Sometimes I feel terrible when I pray for patients because I don't really believe they will get better. I look forward to 5:00pm when I can go home and walk into an empty room that holds no surprises or sad news.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I usually try to avoid making my blog a therapy session that I release onto the internets, but I guess every rule gets broken once in a while. I suppose this is kind of a confession. Maybe, more accurately, it's the best I can do to answer the question I've been getting a lot: "How's your chaplaincy going?"

Two weeks left. I can't believe it's almost August. It seems like just yesterday I was frantically finishing papers with nothing more than a good caffeine buzz and the hope of a summer free from homework. Time flies when...

Robin Hood and Funfetti

2010-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

Today was the 2nd time in 10 years that I haven't had to take a final exam on my birthday. I gotta say, a guy could get used to this. I had a low-key day, which I appreciated on many levels, and I got to have supper with some of my favorite people in the world. Plus, supper was Papa John's pizza, a delicacy by any standard, and my sister-in-law made me a funfetti birthday cake - delicious!

Last night I saw Robin Hood with some friends. It was alright: not awful, but not quite great. I won't say too much because I don't want to have to give a spoiler alert, but I will say that I think Ridley Scott bit off more than he could chew in one movie. It was about 2.5 hours long, but I think the movie could have easily been 4 hours and still seemed abridged. There were a lot of "central characters," more than your average high-budget action movie, and I genuinely wished I could have seen more of them and their interactions. I think the breadth of characters and the sheer amount of material covered in the film couldn't help but seemed rushed and a little confusing.

I blame myself for my disappointment because clearly I did not exercise proper expectation management. I went in expecting Gladiator-esque greatness because of the re-teaming of Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott (as well as my fantasy of seeing another movie as good a Gladiator). My self-imposed penance for my transgression was to find 3 positive things about the movie. No problem:

1. Russell Crowe - This one's easy: he won my allegiance in Gladiator. I say this with a little hesitation, but pretty much he can do no wrong. He's the perfect, "everyman" kind of hero.

2. Cinematography - The movie captures the beauty of rolling hills, lush forests, and ocean-side cliffs. Even when the script wasn't so epic, the visuals certainly were.

3. Kevin Durand - He didn't have a lot of screen time, but in what little time he had, Durand's Little John stole the show. Just a big, funny, likable guy who beats the tar out of people with an enormous battle ax/hammer. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

That's all for now. I'm off to watch the latest episode of Glee - I hear Neil Patrick Harris guest stars. What an incredible idea. NPH - best comeback career...ever.

Awe$ome

2010-05-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you have heard the song "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. If you haven't, you can hear it on youtube with the lyrics or you can watch a Chipmunks version. I do not endorse the song or any of it's content, but it's worth listening to just so you can watch the video below.

Oh, and don't even get me started about using a dollar sign as an "s." $eriously...

I am going to WIN!

2010-05-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

I've taken a quiz and typed just about 7,000 words this weekend. Granted, some of those words were quotations, but I still had to type them, right? Trust me, it counts...

I've taken up vigorous gum-chewing as a nervous habit during this stressful time of writing: Extra - Classic Bubble flavor. Long lasting flavor, and I get to blow some killer bubbles. I've gone through 3 packs in the last 2 days. Delicious, but the kicker is that my jaw is feeling it...big time.

I have 5 days left of this semester. I have 2.5 papers and 2 finals standing between me and sweet freedom. School will not defeat me. I'm going to finish, and then I'm going to eat a pizza. It's going to be awesome.

Writer's Un-Block

2010-04-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

At the urging of my good friend, Kurt, I've decided to post a few thoughts.

I'm in the last two weeks of the semester, and believe it or not, I have a lot to get done. I'm reaping the just rewards of my procrastination. It's awesome.

Psych.

I have way to much to get done, but this semester I've been experiencing something new in the mix of my standard academic tightrope walk between avoidance and achievement: writer's block. I'm in what...like, 20th grade? (I mean, if you count all six years of college...you know, at all three of the colleges I went to...yeah, something like 20th grade.) I thought I'd experienced the full range of paper-writing frustration, but little did I know that the "writer's block" I've experienced up until now was more like "writer's slight distraction" compared to what's going on these days. I've got a bunch of papers to write and I can't seem to get words onto a page.

To remedy this, I'm writing a blog. It's easy, it's pressure-free, and I can write about anything. Anything...like how even in writing this blog I have revised the previous paragraph seven times and how I feel the pressure to be funny so that people will like me and how it took me a good hour to come up with a topic for this post. Seriously, if procrastination and denial were legitimate skills I would be obnoxiously successful. Like "Nickelback successful."

Okay, bringing it back...my whole point in writing this post was to list random thoughts and go through the exercise of just typing words in hopes that it would loosen me up for more important projects. Here goes...

1. I'm really glad Glee is back.

2. People are way more important to me than papers.

3. Arizona...what are you doing?

4. My oldest nephew turns 3 in May. He's already 3!

5. I just got re-certified in CPR. Go ahead, stop breathing...I'm all over it.

6. Robin Hood starring Russell Crowe and directed by Ridley Scott...or as I like to call it, Gladiator 2. The answer is yes.

7. Sometimes I really miss Florida. Not the heat or the humidity, but definitely the people and the ocean.

8. Goo Goo Dolls songs are like pizza: they are either good or they are really good.

9. I would rather talk about the Bible than write papers about it.

10. I wonder what I'm going to do when I graduate from seminary in December. Hmm...

11. I am going to get back into playing the piano this summer.

12. I have about 4 songs in the works and I really hope I finish a couple this summer.

13. I feel a lot better on the days that I go running than on the days when I don't.

14. Being tan is way better than not being tan.

15. Diet Coke, why you so good to me?

Perhaps not my best post, but the fingers are moving. I'm going to quick pull up a Word document and hopefully they won't notice.

Christians and Facebook

2010-03-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog, but if you do, could you spread the word about this challenge?

To all of my Christian brothers and sisters, those I know and those I don't, those from Bethel University and North Park Theological Seminary, believers in full-time ministry and believers who pay for those full-time ministries...

If you are on facebook and you are one who frequently uses the status feature to update people on your life and thoughts...

I challenge you for the next week, from Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday, to say nothing negative in your status. No complaining, no gossip, no slander. No matter how you feel about Glenn Beck or President Obama, Republicans or Democrats, Sarah Palin or Britney Spears, don't use your facebook status to vent your frustrations. It is thoroughly unhelpful in bearing fruitful discussion and just creates a space for people to spew self-righteous contempt. It's passive-aggressive, self-serving, and cowardly. It's intellectual masturbation...and I'm being very generous in my use of the word "intellectual."

I've done it. You've done it. Let's agree to not do it. We can take it one step at a time. Let's start with this week. If, after Easter Sunday, you and I can't help ourselves from attacking others from the safe distance of facebook, then so be it. Let's take Holy Week to think on it, though. In remembering Jesus' last days, His suffering, His death, and His resurrection, perhaps we'll recognize a better way.

Beggars

2010-03-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Music is a formative element in my life. I'm one of those people who wish real life had a soundtrack. Well, until Apple releases iSound, I guess those of us who wish for that will have to do our best...using other Apple products like iTunes and iPods. (Insert product placement here)

There are several bands and albums that have prompted a paradigm shift for me at different times in my life. One of those bands is The Normals with their album Coming to Life. I first heard it while living in Fridley, MN with my friends, Kevin and Colin. It was a Christian album, but not like any Christian music I had ever heard. They sounded like something you'd hear on an alternative radio station. They didn't use Christian buzz words. The first song I heard was about David's lust and sin surrounding Bathsheba. They said "cigarette" in a song. Their songs weren't always "happy."

I have to laugh at myself as I'm writing this because none of those things seem crazy now, but I clearly remember back in 2002 wondering how a Christian band could dare to write poetry about the world in which we live rather than the rose-colored version so often purported by other artists in the genre. Please don't misunderstand me: I enjoy a lot of different Christian music, some rose-colored and some not, and this post is not meant to be disparaging of any bands or artists in the Christian genre.

Back to The Normals...they rocked my world. Yep, I said that. I found myself challenged by their songs in a new way. They asked questions to which they didn't already know the answers. They sang about the struggle every bit as much as the triumph. Their faith was desperate at times, tenacious and daring, melancholy and undeniably beautiful. In the spring of 2002, The Normals were the soundtrack to my life.

I often revisit Coming to Life. Each time I listen to the album, I seem to gravitate to a different song. Today it's a song call "We Are Beggars At the Foot of God's Door." Here are the lyrics:

"We are gathered in cathedrals on a Sunday
We are shrouded in our pride and lust’s despair
We have heard that You said to go to where your hearts once were
Trusting we’d arrive to find You there
We have known the empty senses of a funeral
We are haunted by the promises of death
We have asked to see Your face and noticed nothing
But a well-timed honest smile from a friend

Oh we of little faith,
Oh You of stubborn grace
We are the beggars at the foot of God’s door

We have grown cold to the kisses of our lovers
We have rolled the windows up and driven through
The forests of the autumn,
The innocence of snow
The metaphor of Jesus in the dew
We have known the heated passion of the cold night
We have sold ourselves to everything we hate
We’re hypocrites and politicians running from a fight
We’ve cheated on a very jealous mate

Oh we of little faith,
Oh You stubborn grace
We are the beggars at the foot of God’s door

We have known the pain of loving in a dying world
And our lies have made us angry at the truth
But Cinderella’s slipper fits us perfectly
And somehow we’re made royalty with You

Oh we of little faith,
Oh You of stubborn grace
We are the beggars at the foot of God’s door
And You have welcomed us in"

I'm tempted to offer my thoughts in an effort to exegete these lyrics. Maybe I will in a future post, but for now I'm going to let you bask in them the same way I did 8 years ago. Enjoy.

Spring "Break"

2010-03-06T18:36:00.001-08:00

I made it to spring break...and by "break," I mean the week in which I will attempt to tidy up loose ends like writing 15 page papers and reading several books. It's not the "beach in Florida, spring break, woohoo!" kind of vacation that I would like, but hopefully it will be a productive week that allows me to breathe a little easier for the second half of this semester.

In other news, I'm 90% sure I will be in Chicago this summer, working at a hospital doing my chaplaincy field education. I'm both excited and apprehensive: excited because it means being close to friends/family here in the city and experiencing what everyone tells me is the time of the year that makes Chicago a great place to live; apprehensive because I have zero information right now on my job and it's tough to get excited for the unknown. The excitement outweighs the apprehension though, at least at this point, and hopefully details will start to solidify in the next couple weeks.

I can't really have a post without some sort of pop-culture reference, so here it is: Modern Family is, in my humble estimation, the best new sitcom on television. Thus far, it seems that the show is maintaining a trajectory of good, clean fun. There really isn't a weak character on the show, and the writing is fantastic. If you haven't already, check it out...you won't be disappointed.

Blind Sided

2010-02-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

I recently watched The Blind Side. I had heard a lot of good things about the movie, but I have to admit, I was skeptical when I first sat down to watch it. So often movies try to pull at the heart strings but end up coming off as cheesy or overacted. Also, it is based on a true story, and in my experience, that type of movie is either excellent or awful - there's no in-between. And do we really need another inspirational football movie? Let's just say that in approaching this movie, I was very careful to exercise proper expectation management.

Well, shut my mouth and call me silly because The Blind Side was excellent! I know the Oscar nominations just came out today, and I am all for Sandra Bullock winning Best Actress in a Leading Role. She was fantastic as Leigh Ann Touhy. Quinton Aaron (Michael Oher) was fantastic. Tim McGraw (Sean Touhy) was fantastic. The whole movie far exceeded my expectations, and I am now firmly in the camp of all those who recommended it to me.

I know that every movie can't be a heart-warming tale of human kindness and triumph over adversity, but I wish more could. I watch a lot of movies, and more and more the shelves at Blockbuster are filled with dark, depressing, ferociously ultra-violent, pseudo-porn (or just straight-out porn) movies that seem less like entertainment and more like celebrations of everything that is wrong with our world. It's as if the only way to make a movie these days is to surprise audiences in all the wrong ways: shocking mix-and-match combinations of terrifying images, foul language, and cheap sex. These "films" (I feel like air-quotes are necessary as an attempt to avoid the appearance that I am using that word with the usual pretentiousness) are often justified by people as "expressions that are true to life" or "art that embraces the gritty reality that we all live." I'm not sure I grant your premise (the Saw movies = reality...really?), and even if I did, I'm not sure we need any more grittiness that what comes in a normal day.

Okay, I'm going to slowly back away from my soap box because I really just want to say I liked The Blind Side and that if you haven't seen it yet, add it to your must-see list. If you're anything like me, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll be glad to see that there are still movies out there that can surprise us in all the right ways.

Guilty Pleasures

2010-01-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

Usually when I find a band I like, I try to listen to their whole album or albums. Sure, there's always a couple songs I like more than others, but I try to give them all a shot. Lately, though, I've been listening to a lot of individual songs. Maybe it's because iTunes has gone crazy with releasing singles, maybe it's because all of my attention span is being used to write papers and I'm just blowing off nervous energy by jumping from track to track. Maybe I'm spending way too much time rationalizing my music habits and I should consider bringing it down a notch on the ol' crazy meter.

Anywho, I'm not sure if these songs really count as guilty pleasures, but they may be in questionable taste depending on one's musical palette. More than anything, they're just a lot of fun! In no particular order, here's the lucky 13 winners:

1. Meet Me Halfway - Black-Eyed Peas

2. Crush - David Archuleta

3. Forever - Chris Brown

4. Spinning - Jack's Mannequin

5. One Time - Justin Bieber [thank you to my cousin, Sarah]

6. Down - Jay Sean (feat. Lil' Wayne)

7. Love Story - Taylor Swift

8. Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus [thank you to Brad and Ty]

9. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z (feat. Alicia Keys)

10. Two Is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls (feat. Taylor Swift)

11. When a Man Loves a Woman - Michael Bolton

12. I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas

13. Midnight Train in Georgia - Gladys Knight

Have a Little Faith

2010-01-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

I got some iTunes gift cards for Christmas, so I've been downloading a little music. I just downloaded "Have a Little Faith In Me" by John Hiatt. Joe Cocker did a version, so did Mandy Moore, and you've probably heard it used in movie soundtracks. I most recently heard it in an episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. (If you haven't watched that show, go do it right now.) Anyway, it's a good song, and the word "faith" got me thinking:

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" - Hebrews 11:1 (NIV).

Faith is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, especially during conversations in Christian circles. Unfortunately, I think my overexposure to the word has de-sensitized me to the reality that faith is not a cake-walk. In order to be sure of what I hope for (please pardon my preposition positioning), I necessarily must be at a place in which my hopes are not yet realized. In order to be certain of what I do not see, I necessarily must be unable to actually see. The whole point is that faith exists for times of waiting. Having faith means I'm not there yet; I'm hopeful, and I know I'll get there soon, but I'm not there yet.

Huh.

Thanks

2009-12-29T18:45:00.001-08:00

I'm thankful that my nephew, Anders, is recovering from a successful surgery. I'm thankful for five days with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, and two nephews. I'm thankful for a great Christmas with lots of friends. I'm thankful that I survived this last semester. I'm thankful that I'm sitting at camp, enjoying the the company of good friends.

Between

2009-12-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

For a while now, I've been wrestling in my mind about the balance between the whole-hearted pursuit of truth and the reality that, this side of heaven, understanding the totality of truth is not going to happen. Is it really a balance, or does the latter frustrate the former enough that we are left with nothing but a pipe dream when we talk about truth? I get pretty concerned when we casually dismiss our search for truth with blithe comments like, "Well, we can never really know anyway," or with the relativism of "You find what's true for you and I'll find what's true for me." I don't want to leave it there, but it seems like people who do just that lead lives that include a lot less mental consternation.

There's a piece of me, one that I am wary to admit to for fear that I am merely being arrogant, that thinks there are a lot of people who just don't want to know truth. It's not that they think truth doesn't exist; they simply don't want to be bothered with the thought process or the changes to their lives it may require. To be honest, sometimes I think I'm one of those people, but seminary makes it all but impossible for me to stay there. I'm constantly reading books, writing papers, and listening to lectures that compel me to think about truth - whether or not it exists, how we can discover it, and what it looks like to be someone who lives according to it. (Now, when I say I "read books," I know I might be playing it fast and loose with the word "read," but just go with it.)

(Side Note - I'm listening to iTunes as I write this and I feel like I need to do a plug for Faith Hill's Christmas album. Seriously, this lady can sing. Anyway...)

I'm confused because people around me keep telling me I need to relax and that the search for truth is just that - a search - and that I am placing undue pressure on the need to arrive at answers. Um, okay, but what good is a search if one never reaches a destination? "The journey's the thing." Sure, great quote, very poetic, loved it in White Squall, but all journeys end somewhere. There is an inherent dualism to the process: questions/answers, searching/finding, journey/destination, right? Aren't we stopping short if we only embrace the first half of the concept?

I'm getting a little worked up, I know (and wow, Whitney Houston adding, "Happy Hanukkah" and "Happy Kwanzaa" to the end of "The Christmas Song" isn't helping), but I really think it's not out of line to push on this one. I'll admit I have some pit-bull tendencies, but is that always a bad thing? People say, "Man, you get really passionate about finding the truth." Yes! Join me, won't you?! I'm not saying that all the questions will be answered, or that in searching we can find everything, or that reaching a destination means that the journey can't continue. We need to make progress, though, and we need to not be so shy about that. A journey without progress is called wandering. Sure, "not all those who wander are lost," but let's not be brainless. It's hard to imagine that Tolkien intended the words of his poem about Aragorn to be used as license to live lives devoid of truth.

I'm going to stop because I'm fairly sure my revving engines are approaching rant capability, and that's not helpful for anyone. I'm caught between - between pursuing truth and knowing I can never fully understand it, between wanting to know more and wanting to be free from the obligations of that knowledge, between relishing the journey and recognizing destinations along the way. As with so many facts of life, it seems that balance is important in the search for truth. Also, as with so many facts of life, it seems that wisdom for this situation can be found in lyrics from an 80s song. Though perhaps committing the sin of misappropriation for which I was chastising the misusers of Tolkien earlier, I realize that "if you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control," so as I pursue truth I will heed the advice of .38 Special and "hold on loosely."

Last Day

2009-12-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

It was snowing as I walked to class this morning. It made me happy. I'm also happy because today is the last day of classes for the Fall semester. It's been a pretty tough semester - 6 classes, 2 of which are Greek and Hebrew. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up to take all these classes...not my smartest move. For better or worse, though, classes are over today.

Thanksgiving Tunes

2009-11-30T17:23:00.000-08:00

I traveled back to God's Country for Thanksgiving last Tuesday. (God's Country is Minnesota - if you don't know that, I'm not sure what to do with you.) I had class until 6pm, but we go out a little early so I was able to get on the road right around 6:30pm. I knew I'd hit a little traffic, plus it was raining, but it seemed to be a better option than sticking around until Wednesday when everyone and their dog would be trying to get on the road to see family for the holiday.

Anywho, I made decent time for the first hour and a half or so, and then I hit some traffic 30 miles South (or East) of Madison. I came to a complete stop, which is a little unusual for I-90 out in the middle of nowhere, but I figured it would pick up soon enough.

False.

I ended up sitting for 2 hours and 10 minutes without moving. Cars turned off their engines. People walked their dogs. It was like a little town right on the interstate. It was certainly the longest I've ever sat in my car without moving...anywhere.

Needless to say, I had some time on my hands. I called some people. I ate my usual Giant sunflower seeds. I called some more people. I ate more seeds. I pounded on my steering wheel a little. It was fun.

The silver lining is that I got a chance to get real familiar with the few albums I had with me in the car. Luckily, I had some new stuff: Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream, the Bones soundtrack, and John Mayer's Battle Studies. Here's my brief review of each...

Susan Boyle - I Dreamed a Dream

This lady can sing! I was so surprised by how much I liked this album. The title track is amazing, just like it was when I first saw her on youtube, but I have to say that her version of The Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses" might be the crown jewel of the album. I would be surprised if she doesn't get a Grammy nomination for that song.

Bones (Original Television Soundtrack)

A great compilation. I'm a huge fan of the show, and they've picked some great songs from the first season (I think just the first) to put on the disc. Placebo's "Running Up That Hill" and Thirteen Senses' "Gone" are my current favorites.

John Mayer - Battle Studies

I don't know how he does it, but John Mayer keeps making really solid albums. Great sound, tasty instrumentation, and, as always, well-crafted lyrics. He's got a good range of tunes on the disc, almost like he took the best of his previous albums and ran with those ideas. It's hard to choose favorites when they are all good, but I really like "Heartbreak Warfare," "Who Says," and "Assassin."

So, I had some fun music to keep me company. I saw in the news the next day that the reason for the long wait was a big car crash in which three people died. Hearing that made me feel really foolish for being so impatient. Yeah, I was delayed, but that's all I was...delayed. I made it home that night and those people never did. I have driven from Chicago to Minnesota so many times, and I always take it for granted that I will arrive safely. I did arrive safely, and I hope to in the future, but the experience reminded me that I have a lot more to give thanks for than just some good tunes.

Brain Candy

2009-11-10T14:37:00.001-08:00

Okay, it's been way too long since I've posted. I've been working on a bunch of posts, but my perfectionism has kept me from actually publishing them until they are complete thoughts. I want to post, though, if for no other reason than to not become another fallen homey in the blogging world.

So, I was gone for 3 months this summer. I lived in the woods and outside of a weekly dose of Ice Road Truckers (holla), I had little contact with popular media. I think I can outfox my perfectionism by discussing some lighter topics, namely some good old pop culture. It's always nice to catch up on the important things. Huzzah for brain candy.

1. When I got back to Chicago, I was extremely confused by all the talk about Cardassians. I honestly thought the whole world had gone Star Trek nerd. It only took me one trip to Jewel (grocery store) and a quick glance at the trashy magazines in the checkout aisle to see that I was very mistaken. People weren't obsessed with an extra-terrestrial species from the Alpha Quadrant, but instead with a self-obsessed family of socialites, the Kardashians. My bad.

2. Team Edward or Team Jacob? I have not read the Twilight books, but I have seen the first movie and I intend to see the sequels. Apparently the reigning question in the teen angst ridden world of vampires and werewolves in the Pacific Northwest is whether Bella should end up with Edward or Jacob. It's a tough one: a sparkly-skinned vampire with perfectly coiffed hair and eternity on his side, or a highly-muscled teenage boy of the Quileute tribe whose temper can get very..."hairy." My vote: Jacob. No contest. First of all, Jacob can turn into a wolf. Do I need a "second of all?" If that's not enough, I would also say that Jacob doesn't want to eat Bella, a factor that may make dating a little more realistic. Also, Edward's hair is inexcusable. Absolutely ridiculous.

3. Glee? Yes, please! Did you watch the first episode? Tell me you weren't completely hooked as soon as you heard them singing "Don't Stop Believing."

4. Creed has a new album. I've heard it, and I would say that I'm pleasantly surprised. It's not much different from their previous albums, but I have to say that I think I've missed their music. We were all obsessed with them circa 1999 (don't pretend you weren't), and it's almost like hearing from an old friend. And so what if that friend can't properly pronounce vowels? It's still a welcomed reunion.

5. I don't know who Jon and Kate are, but can't they just get along?

6. Patrick Swayze passed away. It's the end of an era. If you haven't seen Roadhouse, I don't know how to talk to you. Youngblood, Red Dawn, Next of Kin...need I go on? Oh, and let's not forget his magnum opus, Point Break: Swayze + Keanu + surfing = perfection. Maybe before the year is out you should treat yourself to one of these classics.

7. Evil, thy name is Twitter. As if Facebook status updates are unholy enough, let's all embrace "the best way to share and discover what is happening right now." How else can you have up to the second knowledge of every bit of inane minutia going on in the lives of your family, friends, and any celebrities with whom you share the genuine connection of 140 character sentences?

8. Michael Jackson passed away. Again, it's the end of an era. Was he crazy? Maybe. Did he do bad things with kids? I don't know. Could you characterize his ever-changing appearance as

strange and more than a little bit creepy? Perhaps. Was he one of the most talented performers of our time? Without a doubt.

9. Nicolas Cage is broke. I blame Twitter.

10. Owl City's Ocean Eyes is currently the most played album on my iPod. Electronic sound that splits the difference between 80's synthpop and Euro dance music. Sure, I probably don't fit in the key demographic of 14 year old girls, but I still dig it. Every time I put it on I feel like I'm Michael J. Fox in the opening scene of The Secret of My Suce$s when he's rocking out to "Walking on Sunshine."

I promise I'll post something of more substance in the near future.

Olfactory Omen

2009-09-27T19:37:00.001-07:00

I'm a firm believer in having all four seasons. The time I spent in Florida was great for a lot of reasons, but I must say that I was extremely disoriented when a year went by with no discernible seasons other than "hot" and "slightly less hot."

I very much enjoyed my summer in MN. It was hot, dry, dusty...everything you want your summer to be. Now that it's almost October, I'm looking for some good fall weather. Every morning I wake up hoping that today will be the day when I can start wearing my fall uniform of jeans and a sweatshirt. Alas, the month of September has continued to deliver days of 70 degree weather. Not a bad thing in and of itself, but it's time for a change.

It's raining tonight. Not just a light rain, but a good rain with a little bit of thunder and lightning, and a cool breeze. It's the kind of rain that guarantees that tomorrow morning it's going to feel different. The humidity will be lower, as will the temperature, and we may start seeing the first signs of real autumn weather.

I'm excited that it's raining, I'm excited that the cool wind is blowing, but more than anything, I'm excited because as I stand on my balcony and breath deep...it smells like fall.

Sabbath

2009-09-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

This post springs from two sources of higher education in my life: my seminary class on worship and The West Wing.

In the Season 1 episode, "Take Out the Trash Day," Sam is talking to Toby, telling him about a small town in Alabama that wants to abolish all laws except for the 10 Commandments. Leo enters the conversation, agreeing with Sam that it might prove difficult to enforce the commandment to not covet thy neighbor's wife. Sam's next line is priceless: "Plus, if I were arrested for coveting my neighbor's wife, I'd probably bear false witness."

It's a funny dialogue between the characters, but as with so much of the writing on The West Wing, it left me thinking. What if the 10 Commandments were the law of the land? What if we took them as seriously as we should?

Fast forward to my worship class yesterday. We were discussing the concept of taking a sabbath (one of the big 10), a practice that mirrors Genesis 1 in which God spent six days creating the world and then rested on the seventh day. My professor made an interesting statement: "To not take a sabbath is idolatry. To not take a sabbath is to believe the lie that you are so important, that your work is so crucial that if you took a day off, the whole thing would fall apart. If God can take a day off, don't you think you can?" Idolatry is a strong word. Idolatry occurs when we allow anything other than God to take the place of primary importance in our lives. I'm sure there is a lot of room for healthy debate about this statement, but for now I am going to skip to the application of my professor's idea, because I think it is one that holds a great deal of merit.

My professor continued by saying, "When we don't take a sabbath, we quickly lose perspective." I think I'm starting to understand what he was saying. Neglecting to take a day of rest robs us of time in which we purposefully slow down and acknowledge that God is God and we are not. When we abstain from a sabbath and work seven days a week without stopping, become lulled into an overinflated sense of self-importance. Our pride seduces us into thinking that what we are doing is too important to stop, that our efforts are the keys to progress, and that somehow the stuff of our lives is tenuously held together by the sweat of our brows. Ultimately, we place ourselves in a role that is reserved for Jesus Christ:

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." - Col. 1:15-17, NIV [emphasis added]

I think I've lost perspective. I think the siren song of my pride has supplanted my soul's earnest desire to "find rest in God alone" (Ps. 62), and I think I've gone far too long without a sabbath. I may not live in a small town in Alabama, but perhaps it's time to abolish some things in my life to make room for the 10 Commandments.

Back

2009-08-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Chicago after a great 3 months at Lake Beauty. It's a little strange getting back into the swing of things like email, cell phone, facebook, etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being able to communicate, but there is something to be said for a summer with lots of nature and little technology.

Posts about the summer and what's going on now are sure to follow...

Expectation Management

2009-05-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

I recently saw two movies I've been waiting a long time to see: X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Star Trek. I thoroughly enjoyed both, and here's why: expectation management. I'll start with Wolverine...

I have been eagerly awaiting a Wolverine spin-off of the X-Men movies since X2 when Wolverine took out all those soldiers who were invading Xavier's mansion. In that scene, Hugh Jackman proved that he was Wolverine. Needless to say, I had some expectations coming into this latest movie. What was I expecting? A 2 hour movie full of cool fight scenes, some explanation of Wolvie's background, some other fun characters, and more cool fight scenes. What was I not expecting? Academy award winning performances, obedience to the laws of physics, or a plot free from any holes or ambiguity. See how I did that? I used expectation management. Are there ways it could have been better or improved? Sure, there's always room for growth. Did I still enjoy the movie? Absolutely! It was a great prequel that gives everyone some of the background we've been waiting for since we first found Wolvie cage-fighting in Alaska. I haven't read all of the comics, so I don't know if the movie messed everything up for all those comic book nerds out there, but for someone who wants a good X-Men movie, Wolverine is a just what the experimental military doctor ordered.

Now for Star Trek...this movie was amazing! Again, expectations played a big part in my enjoyment of this movie. I went to the movie with an open mind as to how J.J. Abrams would reinvent the 40 year-old sci-fi franchise...and boy did he deliver! Abrams avoids the anachronistic sin of Star Wars in which the prequels portray a world that is far superior to the subsequent reality depicted in the original movies...which take place in the future...but a long time ago...earlier...but later. Anyway...to be fair, advances in special effects have made it all but impossible for today's movies to not look better than the model-ships-pulled-on-wires of the past, but Abrams manages to create a futuristic retro look that could believable predate Star Trek: The Next Generation. Finally, the casting is superb: the characters all pay homage to those created by the original performers (Karl Urban's version of Bones is outstanding!), but the movie takes itself seriously and never slips into the traps of caricature or parody.

Bottom line: I like both movies, but for very different reasons. For all those haters out there who thought Wolverine was unrealistic: it's a movie about a 150 year old, super-healing mutant with an unbreakable skeleton and claws coming out of his hands...at what point did you think realism was going to be a part of this movie? Rethink your angle. And for all those trekkies who think Abrams has missed the mark in his reincarnation of Roddenberry's universe, I think this review says it best: "Not Trek? The movie has gaping plotholes, a skirt-chasing Kirk, time travel, and a BS pseudo-scientific resolution to a life-threatening situation...it's totally Trek!"

Yes, Please!

2009-04-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a long wait, but I'm confident it will be worth it.

Hypothetically...

2009-04-24T05:26:00.001-07:00

I'm just throwing this out there as a general piece of advice: hypothetically, if you have an assignment for a class that entails reading a 368 page book and writing a summary on that book in 6 sections based on due dates over the last 3 months...hypothetically, do not, I repeat, DO NOT procrastinate and do it all in a span of 24 hours. I mean, hypothetically, you're free to do what you like, but short-sightedness may prevent you from seeing the hypothetical consequences of your hypothetical actions. For example, should you choose to procrastinate in this manner, you may or may not...

- achieve new intensities of posterior numbness
- discover previously unexplored potential for headache pain
- test the limits of human coffee tolerance
- choose to forgo sleeping more than 3 hours in a day
- doubt the relevance of higher education
- question the benefits of literacy
- experience feelings of frustration and self-loathing
- rue the day you were born

Again, this is merely a friendly caveat of a completely hypothetical situation from an objective perspective. I don't know what prompted me to write this. Maybe I saw it in a movie or read it in a book somewhere. Actually, come to think of it, I have been reading a lot lately...

"Funny"

2009-04-07T11:50:00.001-07:00

For about a week now, the majority of my classes have seemed to focus on pointing out systemic evils in the world. It's overwhelming and frustrating and I'm tempted to sink into the threatening feelings of despair, throw up my hands, and join the chorus of those who exclaim, "Well, what am I supposed to do about it?"

I know this isn't the appropriate answer. I know that my professors are trying to challenge us with these issues in hopes that we will not turn a blind eye and that our present and future ministries would somehow be influenced for good.

But I feel overwhelmed. I'm on overload. So I ask about the practical things we can do to affect change...

And here is where I encounter resistance, resistance coming from the same source that originally pointed out the problems to me. It's "funny" (not really funny, but funny in that way we mean when there is no positive word to describe the reaction we have but we are unwilling to abandon our facade of being footloose and fancy free, so we say "funny" rather than "annoying," "frustrating," "hypocritical," etc.).

It's "funny" that my class discussions are filled with ideas of systemic evil, of corporate sin, of global injustice, and any other form of iniquity that can be identified on a mass scale. As long as we can point a multitude of fingers at a faceless sea of perpetrators, let's talk about it. How dare they do that to those people and how dare we sit idly by and watch those people be wronged in that way by that other group of people who do all that stuff. For shame...

It's "funny" because the second we start to point individual fingers at individual people committing individual sins, the breaks go on so fast it gives me whiplash. How many times have I heard, "Judge not lest ye be judged" or "Hey, we don't want to be the moral police here." We don't? Really? Because it seems like we're perfectly comfortable being the moral police with huge issues of injustice, but we get a whee bit squeamish when the list of violations creeps its way toward anything that might resemble something you or I could have done in the last 24 hours.

My favorite scenario is the one in which someone confronts me about a sin in my life and my immediate reaction is to point out a sin in his life. Yeah, as if collective guilt is somehow the same as mutual innocence. Way to go, me: by pointing out that Jimmy is also a flawed human being, I have successfully managed to acquit myself from any and all accusations against me. That's right up there with, "Look, your shoe's untied." Who needs law school with misdirection skills like these?

I suppose the point I set out to make when I began writing this post is that I'm tired of being a part of conversations about all the evil out there in the world while simultaneously refusing to discuss the evil right here in our own lives. If we're going to confront an issue like poverty, maybe we should take a look at our own bank statements. If I'm going to rant and rave about hate crimes, maybe I should listen to my friend when he tells me I gossip too much. If we want to wage war against the injustices in this world, then maybe we need to start by identifying and repenting of the sins in our own hearts.

Way To Go, Bears!

2009-04-05T18:51:00.001-07:00

I'm blogging for two reasons:

1. Because Tyler Goodling wants me to. It was his birthday on Saturday. He is awesome.

2. To congratulate the Chicago Bears on getting their hands on Jay Cutler. It seems like people are pretty excited about it, and that makes me excited. I have to admit, though, I was a little confused for a few moments when I first heard the news. You see, there's another athlete named Jay Cutler that came to my mind...and the idea of him being Chicago's quarterback was simultaneously unlikely and awesome.
Reasons why it is unlikely that this man will suit up for Chicago next season: I don't think they make shoulder pads big enough for him and there's no way for him to maintain a man-tan like that in Chicago (after all, it's April 5 and it's snowing outside). Reasons why it would be kind of awesome if this man were the Bears' next quarterback: sacking him would be challenging, say like sacking a Chrysler Town & Country, and just in case the football was replaced with a refrigerator, he'd still be able to toss it for decent yardage.

Countdown

2009-03-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

20 - days until Tim and Meghan leave for Thailand.
19 - number of Totinos Pizza Bites I ate yesterday.
18 - minutes left in class.
17 - times I've moved since graduating from high school.
16 - tracks on my latest mix cd.
15 - number of minutes it takes to get anywhere in Rochester, MN.
14 - cans of Diet Coke in my fridge.
13 - what a lucky number.
12 - disciples.
11 - days until my First Aid/CPR class.
10 - seasons of Friends I own.
9 - minutes left of class.
8 - years since I've been a teenager.
7 - days in a week.
6 - hours until Tim's birthday supper.
5 - number of quarters it takes for me to do a load of laundry.
4 - minutes to save the world.
3 - days until the weekend.
2 - number of miles I ran yesterday.
1 - love.

S-Break

2009-03-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm in Minnesota...at Lake Beauty...and it's awesome.

I'm on my spring break, and I made the drive from Chicago up to Long Prairie yesterday. I started out at about 6:45am and caught the almost full moon as it was setting, then got a great view of the sunrise in my rear view mirror as I headed west on I-90. I drove for nine hours under the bright March sun and as I worked my way north, more and more snow blanketed the ground.

It was -16.9 degrees this morning when I woke up. Maybe I'm crazy, but there's something about fresh snow and crisp air that makes my soul feel clean. It's going to be a great break.

Updates

2009-03-07T09:55:00.001-08:00

It's been a while. Six classes are keeping me quite busy, and besides school, a lot has been happening. Here are my latest updates:

- On February 28 at 3:29 am, my second nephew, Anders Timothy, weighing in at a respectable 9 lbs 5 oz made his debut into the world. He and big brother Isaac are roughly the same age difference as my brother and I, so it will be fun to see them grow up together like Zach and I did.

- February 27-March 1 was the Jr/Super High Retreat at Lake Beauty. Some friends and I made the 9 hour drive from Chicago and rendezvoused with other volunteers who all worked together to put on an awesome retreat for the campers. Seven inches of fresh snow was the icing on the cake to a great weekend.

- As I said above, I'm taking 6 classes this semester. It's a lot to keep straight in my head, but it's a fairly good mix of subject matter. I'm never a fan of homework or tests, but I'm enjoying the actual class-time and the discussions in class.

- About a week and a half ago, I got a phone call from the program director at Lake Beauty. He offered me a position this summer as the camp pastor. I was overjoyed to accept the offer and I am greatly looking forward to being a part of the new chapter that will be written this summer at LBBC.

Those are some of the big things going on lately in my life. I'm hoping to write more soon.

25 Random Things

2009-02-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

(I copied this from a facebook note I wrote.)

I rarely ever give in to chain letters, chain emails, chain guns, etc., but this seemed kind of fun. Here goes...

1. Clearly, I'm a little narcissistic.
2. There are two constants in my apartment: there is always music playing and there is always a jar of peanut butter kept handy.
3. I have stood on the Great Wall.
4. I still sit on Santa's Lap at Christmas.
5. I can never stay awake reading if I'm sitting on a couch or in a comfy chair. I've started doing most of my reading while walking on a treadmill...works like a charm.
6. Thinking about deep things comes more easily to me at night while driving.
7. I have never been to a casino...never understood the draw.
8. One of my favorite memories involves a bunch of dudes, tons of Monster LC's, and a game about a big circle.
9. A lot of my friends are gifted musicians.
10. When I sit down at a restaurant, I like to be able to see the door.
11. I weigh 260 pounds and wear cowboy boots.
12. In my younger years, I vowed I would never live in Chicago, never attend seminary, and never go to North Park University.
13. I'm currently a 2nd year student at North Park Seminary in Chicago.
14. "Heaven" by Bryan Adams is in my top 5 favorite songs.
15. I don't enjoy talk radio.
16. I absorb information about movies - it's a really strange kind of gift.
17. I think "Somewhere North" by Caedmon's Call is among the best songs ever written. Listen to it while lying on the floor in a dark room...you won't be disappointed.
18. I cry every time I watch Armageddon, Titanic, and Lord of the Rings.
19. Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books of the Bible.
20. If I could have lunch with anyone, I would have lunch with my mom.
21. I have a nephew who will turn two this May and another nephew who will be born in less than a month!
22. I'm a huge geek. I'm not a nerd, I'm a geek. Fellow geeks, you know the difference.
23. I have moved 18 times since I graduated from high school.
24. I get my rebel streak from my dad...and my great joints.
25. I'm a little embarrassed that I wrote all this.

Have Your Way

2009-01-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

I downloaded Andrew Peterson's Resurrection Letters: Volume II a few weeks ago. I've been listening to it on and off since then and I really enjoy it. Probably the most poignant song for me is the last track, "Have Your Way." The song explores times of strength and weakness, clarity and stubbornness. The prayer is that God would have His way and that He would move in whatever way necessary to make that possible despite the situations in which we find ourselves.

"Father, hear me now when I am humbled
I fear that I will soon forget
Now I have no strength to stand and stumble
I have no wish to leave you yet

O Holy Father, hear me now
When flesh is strong and spirit weak
Please break my back if I won’t bow
Won’t you have your way with me

Father, hear me now when I am humbled
When I am bent with holy shame
All the lies that I believed have crumbled
The blood of Christ my only plea

I cannot trust my own designs
My heart is prone to disobey
So listen, Lord, while there is time
Chain me fast if I won’t stay
Take my life and have your way

Please hear me, Lord, this blessed hour
When sin has loosed its hold on me
Thy mercy is a mighty tower
So why should I not trust in thee?
Father, have your way with me."

Bones

2009-01-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

I'm a big fan of TV on DVD. I would dare say that I would rather watch TV shows than movies. Why? Because TV shows have all the time in the world. (Unless it's a really good TV show, like Firefly, Sports Night, or Arrested Development, in which case it is sure to get canceled). Character development, plot arches, comedic relief, love interests...TV offers whole seasons for these to occur rather than being limited to a roughly two hour movie. And let's not forget about reoccurring characters. What would Friends be without Janice? What would The West Wing be without Joey Lucas?

The point is, TV shows enjoy the perks longevity that are not available to movies. Except maybe The Land Before Time, but that's only because there were about 157 sequels. Seriously, it's like every time I go into Target there's another one and I'm pretty sure they've quit trying to make actual movies and just resigned themselves the idea of sing-a-longs. Wow, apparently I have a lot of pent up hostility toward TLBT. Maybe it's because they had those rubber puppets at Pizza Hut after the first movie and I always wanted to collect all of them, but they only ever gave out Ducky puppets. I guess he was the best character, though, so maybe I did okay. Come to think of it, that first movie was pretty good, and it inspired a lot of kids my age read about dinosaurs, which probably contributed to the success of Jurassic Park, which was a great movie. Not so much with the sequals, but still, maybe TLBT doesn't deserve so much bitterness from me. But getting back to my point...what was it again? Oh, yeah...My latest TV on DVD obsession is Bones, starring Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz, a show in which "a cynical and lonely forensic anthropologist and a cocky FBI agent partner up to solve long-ago murders" (imdb.com). I was hesitant to start watching because it seemed like the last thing I would enjoy would be the latest recreation of the CSI-type show. I was pleasantly surprised, though, and I have found it to be extremely entertaining. It's a great mixture of character-driven plot lines woven in with the episode to episode plots of cracking murder cases using a blend of forensic anthropology and good old fashion detective work. One of the biggest strengths of the show is the relationship between Deschanel and Boreanaz's characters: she's an analytical, rational scientist who only believes in what facts can prove, and he's a Catholic ex-Army sniper special agent who solves cases by trusting his gut. What I admire about the writing of the show is that it explores how their partnership begins to change each of them because they care about each other and genuinely try to understand how the other one thinks.

One caveat: it is a crime drama, and all of the cases invovle murder (sometimes grisly), corpses (sometimes graphic), and catching the killer (sometimes entering their twisted worlds). Despite those potential setbacks, I would highly recommend the show.

True Love

2009-01-22T11:04:00.000-08:00

The all-seminary lunch was today. It was good to see familiar faces, all smiling with a bit of hesitation as we collectively realize that break is over and classes have either descended upon us or are looming on the horizon. Still, it's fun to catch up with everyone...plus I learned a long time ago to never say no to free food.

As I was leaving the seminary building, I ran into my New Testament professor. He asked me how my break was and I replied, "It was the best break ever. I could not have asked for a better break." We talked for a little while longer and then went our separate ways, him to the library and me back to my apartment. As I was walking away I heard him shout, "What's her name?"

I was confused and hollered, "Whose 'her'?"

"You said it was the best break ever, so what's her name?" he answered with a chuckle.

A big smile crossed my face and I raised my arms wide: "Minnesota! Minnesota is her name."

Death By Love

2009-01-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

I'm in the middle of reading the book Death By Love: Letters from the Cross by Mark Driscoll & Gerry Breshears. The book is a series of letters written by Mark Driscoll to members of his congregation. Each letter addresses a different member, each with a unique set of issues and circumstances. The overarching theme of all the letters is the power of the cross - the atoning work of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection.

This is a topic that has created tension, if not division, throughout the history of the Christian church. I appreciate Driscoll and Breshears intentionality in addressing this issue immediately in the preface and dispensing with any ideas that they are somehow arguing for a certain view of the atonement to dominate:

"One theologian has called the cross the great jewel of the Christian faith, and like every great jewel it has many precious facets that are each worthy of examining for their brilliance and beauty. Therefore, you will be well served to see each side of this jewel shining together for the glory of God in complimentary and not contradictory fashion" (page 10).

Like I said, I have not yet finished the book, but so far I have been overwhelmed with the magnitude of the cross. I would highly recommend this book, though I would warn anyone who has not heard or read Mark Driscoll before that initially they may be taken aback by the blunt style in which he writes. I don't want it to seem like I am apologizing on his behalf, though. I am merely giving a heads up that Driscoll's compassionate offerings of hope are equally matched by his tenacious attacks against false thinking. And how could it be any other way when the subject is that of Jesus Christ's atonement for our sin? We must realize the depths of our depravity in order to receive the fullness of God's forgiveness. This book offers both promising comfort and gut-wrenching conviction: As Driscoll says at the end of one of the letters, "You are more evil than you have ever feared, and more loved than you have ever hoped" (page 68).

Is the World My Oyster?

2009-01-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

This is a post in which I am going to use the phrase "as I get older" and other expressions that denote progress in both age and maturation. As a disclaimer, I would like to volunteer that I am in no way suggesting that I have arrived at maturity or wisdom, but merely that I am making steps forward in the journey. A certain individual (you know who you are) loves to remind me that I am technically still in adolescence. Recent studies indicate that late adolescence now extends until the age of 29, and so the language in this post is not an attempt to repudiate my position as "a kid."

With that said, now on to the topic at hand...

My generation was raised to believe that we could do anything and be anyone we wanted to be. I remember quite a few "assignments" during early grade school (and long past an acceptable point into higher education) that centered on the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Every one of us dreamed of being an astronaut, a professional athlete, a famous movie star, or even President of the United States of America. Our dreams were fostered by adults around us who told us, "You can do anything you set your mind to." Unlike the generations before us whose futures were decided mostly by their class, geographical location, and other factors beyond their control, my generation was raised to believe that no dream was too big and no goal was out of reach.

As I get older (there it is!), though, I am beginning to realize that there are over-sized dreams and inaccessible goals. Now before you label me as a complete pessimist, hear me out. People (especially Americans) can get pretty upset and offended when they are told they can't do something. This reaction is certainly valid if the "can't" is a product of injustice. On the other hand, I am beginning to discover that many of the things I can't do in my life today are not the result of injustice, failure to dream, or lack of motivation, but of choice and calling.

I can't be an astronaut because years ago I decided that science was not going to be the focus of my education. Would I love to go into space someday? You bet! Should I be allowed to pilot a shuttle, consulted on advancements in thermodynamics, or be left in a NASA building unsupervised? Absolutely not. I can't be a professional athlete because I have not spent nearly enough time training. Short of "watching Friends" becoming a professional sport, there is little chance I will ever receive a paycheck for being an athlete. Besides, I would have to think long and hard about giving up my amateur status. You know, because the Olympics are a much more realistic goal than pro sports...

I can't be a famous movie star. There are a host of practical reasons for this (lack of connections, lack of talent, lack of wanting to live in New York or L.A., lack of chance that I will ever date Jennifer Aniston), but even more than that, I am not willing to do what it would take to make it in the film industry. Pure and simple, I could never survive that life because deep down I don't want it. As for President of the United States of America, I can (and will) do that, but that's the subject of another blog post...and perhaps a West Wing fantasy, but I digress...

I think the point I'm trying to make is that as I get older (there it is again!), I'm realizing that there are things I will never do. It's strange to (somewhat) willingly accept restrictions, but the byproduct of that surrender is an ability to focus on a finite number of tasks and apply myself wholeheartedly to those worthy pursuits. Perhaps being a jack of all trades, master of none is not the path to which I am called. The comfort I take in knowing my limitations, however, is that I have been created with a unique set of gifts and ambitions which complement the gifts and ambitions of those around me. Here's where a sermon on 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 might offer a proper understanding of God's vision for His church. The short version is that the diversity present within God's creation of humanity has purpose: "to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ" (Ephesians 4:12-13).

I suppose part of growing up is realizing that we all play a small role in a much bigger picture. It's foolhardy for me to think I can do anything, but I can perform the role given to me. In the end, I can't be anyone I want to be, but I can be me.

2008 - A Definite Win

2009-01-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

I place 2008 in the Win column. Here are some of they highlights, in no particular order...

1. Two of my best buddies tied the knot in 2008. Justin Anderson married Holly Hinrichs in the mountains of Colorado in June. Ryan DeYounge married Amanda Jensen in the winter tundra of Minnesota in November. Both weddings were beautiful (as were both brides!) and amazing testaments to God's glory and his amazing love for His bride, the church. I was so honored to be a part of both weddings. May God bless Justin and Holly, Ryan and Amanda with many long years of love as they serve Him together.

2. While at the Anderson wedding, I got to spend some real quality time with my buddies Tyler Goodling and Josh Fink. It was also at this wedding that I first really hung out with Brad Robertson, a man who immediately became a lifelong friend. What a guy! I'm extremely thankful for these three guys. I hope 2009 brings many more good times together.

3. I had a GREAT summer at Lake Beauty Bible Camp. LBBC has been a part of my life for 20 years now, and I had the pleasure of serving the summer as the camp pastor. It was an incredible experience full of challenge, joy, and healing, and a powerful reminder to me of God's unfailing love and His inexhaustible grace in my own life.

4. I completed my third semester at North Park Theological seminary, putting me roughly at the half-way point in my most recent academic endeavor. It has been an arduous three semesters and I confess that the academics constantly threaten to stretch me to a breaking point, but through it all, I have made some amazing friends. Two fellas stand out, Nathan Albert and Luke Johnson. I can say with certainty that I would not have made it this far in seminary if not for these two guys. They are both men of God, smarter than I could ever hope to be, and just downright fun guys. I'm thankful for their friendships which I know will be lifelong.

5. Christmas was great. I had a whole week in Rochester with my parents, my brother and sister-in-law, and my nephew. It was a perfect week of family, friends, laughter, and relaxation. Having a 19 month old around returned some of the simple joy to the holidays, including playing in fresh snow. We also got to spend Christmas with my aunt, uncle, cousins, and my grandma.

6. I spent a week up at Lake Beauty after Christmas. The first two days were the summer staff reunion, complete with awesome broomball and other winter fun with friends. The rest of the week was a quintessential mix of cold weather, sitting by a warm fire at night while watching History Channel marathons, plowing snow, doing random camp things, and spending time with Brian and Rhonda Alnes and their four boys. My New Year's was perfect - supper at a Chinese buffet in Long Prairie with Brian and Steve "Scuba" Reynolds (Lake Beauty's amazing cook) followed by dozing in front of the fire waiting for 2008 to come to a close. It was everything I could have possibly wanted out of a week in the woods of Minnesota.

Those are some of the high points of my year. Thinking back to where I was at this time last year to where I am now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude to God for all that He has done in my life during the last 365 days.

Auld Lang Syne

2009-01-04T18:24:00.000-08:00

I like that song and it's my clever way of ushering in the New Year blog-post-title style.

Anywho, I'm back in Chicago. After two weeks in Minnesota, I decided I needed to get back or I would never be able muster the will power to leave behind "God's country."

I'm not taking J-Term classes this year, so I'm going to have a little bit more free time on my hands this month. I'm going to do my best to make a healthy showing of posts in the next thirty days or so, so stay tuned for movie reviews, highlights from 2008, and random thoughts that may or may not be worth reading.

Until then, I recommend that everyone take a moment to evaluate the past year and decide if it falls in the Win or Loss column. My 2008 falls solidly in the Win column. Details to follow...

So Close...

2008-12-11T22:43:00.000-08:00

It's 12:47 am. I'm reading New Testament handouts and listening to Sigur Ros. In 9 hours and 13 mintues, I'll be done with my last final and finished with my third semester of seminary. I'm only a little excited...

It's been a long semester. I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation in MN (aka - God's Country).

Well, my test starts in 7 hours and 13 mintues. Perhaps I should think about sleeping between now and then...

Justinstay

2008-12-08T17:34:00.000-08:00

Many of you know me well enough to know that I'm a bit of a music enthusiast. I get worked up about new music, sweet harmonies, amazing high notes, ambient soundscapes, cool vocal licks, guitar solos, drum fills, etc.

Well, here's my latest obsession. Justin Anderson, the lead singer of Mainstay, has been doing a little solo work and has put up a few tunes his myspace page. He just posted a new song today, "You Must Be Here," which literally brought me to tears when I listened to it at 7:13pm.

I'm telling you, this guy is off-the-charts amazing. Musically, lyrically, personally...it's all deadly.

Do me a solid and check out his songs. I promise you'll thank me...

5 Days

2008-12-08T06:32:00.000-08:00

It's Monday. Today has the same melancholy feel that a Monday always has, but it also holds a glimmer of hope that hasn't been present for about four months. The hope of this Monday is that in 5 days I will be free. This Friday, at 10am, I will turn in my last final and I will be done with my third semester of seminary. Done. Finished. Completed.

Come Friday, I'm looking at a month and a half with no homework, no tests, and no papers. It will be a month and a half of seeing friends, going to work, and reading books that I want to read.

5 days...

Warning Signs

2008-11-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

Top 5 Indicators That I'm Not Bringing My A-Game To Seminary Today

1. Thrice I have caught myself counting the number of light bulbs in the room.

2. I'm spending considerable mental energy anticipating the nap I'm about to take.

3. I'm completely preoccupied with the fact that my professor just used the word "slap-dash." I don't even know what that means, but I can't stop thinking about it.

4. I can't get the Pink song, "So What" out of my head.

5. It's Thursday.

Monsters

2008-11-11T21:18:00.000-08:00

So Friedrich Nietzsche said, "Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one." Interesting statement. My New Testament professor alluded to this quote in class and posed an interesting question: "How do we resist or fight against evil without becoming evil ourselves?"

The idea of fighting evil without succumbing to it is one that I ponder a great deal. I find characters who walk the line between "good guy" and "bad guy" to be extremely interesting. I've always been a bigger fan of Han Solo than Luke Skywalker. Ender's Game is one of the only books I've read twice in a row. As a child, Samson was my favorite Biblical character. Batman is way cooler than Superman. Wolverine is my favorite of the X-Men. Angel is one of my favorite television series.

I could go on and on, but I think the idea is clear: I like conflicted characters. Which brings me to The Shield. This is a show that I hesitate to recommend to anyone. It's an FX show, which means it lands somewhere between cable and HBO on the spectrum of what can be shown on screen. I would say it lands much closer to HBO. Violence, sex, bad language, disturbing themes and images...they are all there...a lot. It's not a "feel-good" show, it doesn't always go the way I would like, and the ethical questions raised in the show often go unanswered.

The main character of The Shield is Detective Vic Mackey, played by Michael Chiklis. Let me tell you, Vic Mackey is a far cry from the lovable Tony Scali we all know and love from The Commish. Yeah, Mackey is bad news, especially if you're a criminal. He has his good moments, but in general he's not a great guy. He loves his wife, but cheats on her. He loves his kids, but he's never there for them. He loves the guys he works with, but he's constantly getting them mixed up in bad situations. As soon as you're ready to hate him, he does something to redeem himself. No sooner have you given him a second chance and he's already blowing it with lies and deceit. And the cycle continues. He reminds me of a guy I used to know...

But this all brings me back to Nietzsche's idea: how close can we get to evil without becoming evil ourselves? How do we "fight" evil without lowering ourselves into the very evil we oppose? I'm a seminary student, so I feel like I should have a good answer to these questions, some way of thinking about all this that clarifies the issues. The truth is, right now I don't have a good answer. There are a lot of monsters out there...

Soundscapes

2008-11-06T12:31:00.001-08:00

I've always wished that my life had a soundtrack. In the world of movies and television, a good soundtrack can be the difference between a good movie and a great movie. Think about it: what would the Star Wars saga be without the music of John Williams? Would Braveheart be so incredibly moving without the beautifully haunting melodies of James Horner? Would so many people have enjoyed Moulin Rouge! if not for the soundtrack?

Clearly, there is something about unique about music that touches the human soul. A tune can instantly evoke an emotional response or recall a powerful memory. A picture is worth a thousand words, but words often fall short in describing the pictures music can create in our minds.

All this to say, music is very important to me. If my life were to have a soundtrack, I would very much like Hammock to be included in the track listing. Their newest album, Maybe They Will Sing For Us Tomorrow, took a little getting used to (there is no percussion and no vocals), but now I can't get enough of it. Check it out sometime.

Fink's Blog

2008-10-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

This handsome gentleman is Josh Fink. I've talked about him before. He is awesome. Now you all have the chance to get an inside view into the world of Fink. Click here and you'll be magically transported to his blog website page on the internet world wide web. Do it...I dare you.

Blah.

2008-10-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since my last post. A lot. It's been a busy couple weeks, but once again I find myself feeling the urge to blog when I should be writing papers. Oh, well...

I'm feeling the stress of being pulled in many different directions. I enjoy some of these pressures, but others leave me with an overwhelming feeling of blah. For those of you who may not know what blah feels like, it's that feeling you have when all you want to do is take a nap. Or go on a vacation. Or watch mindless television. Or waste time blogging. Basically, blah is the feeling that leads to all sorts of procrastination. It's a self-defeating cycle, though, because as soon as you give in to blah, you're just that much more behind in all of the areas you're trying to avoid. Bottom line - giving into blah leads to more feelings of blah.

On the upside, I was recently introduced to a video clip by my friend Karl that has significantly helped to alleviate tension through the therapy of laughter. Trust me...you will want to watch this no less than a dozen times in your first viewing.

Musings

2008-10-03T12:04:00.001-07:00

Can we all just agree that homework is a bad idea? Whoever originally thought it was a good idea was wrong. It's a bad idea.

I should be doing homework right now, but I'm going to clear my intellectual pallet with my latest pop-culture endorsements and a haiku about the lovely fall weather that has finally arrived.

There are a couple movies I've seen recently that I've enjoyed. First, Speed Racer. I fully expected to hate this movie, mostly based on the trailers. Boy, was I wrong! I thought it was great. Amazing visual affects, interesting plot, and a pretty reputable cast. I would highly recommend it. Second, Iron Man. Robert Downey, Jr. is my new hero. I never realized how funny he is, and I think his humor is one of the big differences that kicked the movie up a notch from all the other superhero movies that have come out lately. Again, I would highly recommend the movie.

As for music, the last full album I purchased was REO Speedwagon: The Hits. Yeah, that's right...and it is awesome. It's not as good as Journey: Greatest Hits, but that should be a given since J:GH is definitely in the top 10 albums ever. I've been doing a lot of single song downloading lately, many of which I heard on Grey's Anatomy. Two of my favorite are "Swans" by Unkle Bob and "Don't Forget Me" by Way Out West. You can click on the song titles to listen to the songs on youtube (with scenes from Grey's Anatomy in the background). Don't judge.

And now my haiku:

Cool autumn sunshine

Afternoon naps and football

Jeans, boots, and sweatshirts

Enjoy the fall season by writing your own haiku. Hope everyone out there is doing fantastic.

The Wisdom of Tyler Goodling

2008-09-30T12:29:00.000-07:00

Go read the post "man points" on my friend Tyler's blog (tylergoodling.blogspot.com). It's the best thing I've read in a while. And it's funny...'cause it's true. Go ahead...read it.

New Link

2008-09-13T19:02:00.001-07:00

I added a link to a new blog by Nathan Albert in my "You Should Click On These" section. You should all check it out. He is a wise and honorable man.

Two Weeks Down

2008-08-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

I've been back in Chicago for 3 weeks now, and the second week of classes has come to an end. Here are some thoughts I've had in the last few weeks since I've returned to the Windy City:

1. Traffic = not fun.

2. It is GREAT to see my friends and family again!

3. My nephew continues to be so cute I can barely keep from punching myself in the face.

4. Hot weather in a city is less bearable than hot weather in the country.

5. Having my own space (not to be confused with myspace) is swell. Not that I didn't enjoy a summer of community living, because I did, but it's nice to have certain freedoms that come with having my own apartment. Like not having to wear pants.

6. Syllabus shock should be considered an actual mental disorder. Having to sift through four syllabi - one of which is a single-spaced, 15 page document - is a task that is sure to cause mental consternation. Side Note - isn't it a bit unreasonable to have homework assigned for the first day of class? If I don't have the syllabus yet, how am supposed to know that there is reading due for the first class period?

7. I have too much stuff.

Back to the grindstone...

My 17 To Do's

2008-07-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

At the suggestion of my friend Tyler Goodling, I've decided to make my own To Do List of 17 items. (For those of you who don't know Tyler, he's a gentleman and a scholar, a poet and a comedian, a lover and a fighter, and I'm proud to call him my friend.)

Here's my list of suggestions to add to your own To Do list:

1. Rent Top Gun.

2. Listen to your favorite CD start to finish.

3. Watch the sun set tonight.

4. Drink a Diet Mountain Dew.

5. Read Out of Solitude by Henri Nouwen.

6. Get Rick Rolled.

7. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and write down the 50 states in less than 10 minutes.

8. Go to a Chinese buffet.

9. Go to a pet store and play with a puppy.

10. Listen to John Mayer's cover of Free Fallin'.

11. Eat a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

12. Give someone a gift for no reason whatsoever.

13. Watch Ice Road Truckers.

14. Read Tyler Goodling's blog.

15. Go swimming with friends.

16. Smile more.

17. Make your own 17.

Fashion Faux Pas...Question Mark?

2008-07-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it gets hot in July. That heat makes things...interesting...when one is in the midst of a Joyful Junior camp week at Lake Beauty. Joyful Juniors are campers going into 2nd and 3rd grade. When campers are that young, "horse ride" means being led one by one on horses by staff members such as myself. It's not a bad deal: you get to talk to a camper, watch them ride (many for the first time), and there's always something funny that happens or a comment made by a 7 year old that is priceless.

Back to the heat, though. The trail that we lead the horses on is a big loop, a little more than a mile round-trip. I love wearing cowboy boots and jeans, but when it's hot, I sweat more than one human should. I have found that wearing button up shirts is one of the best ways to get a little ventilation, especially compared to a t-shirt. Then I discovered that cutting off the sleeves of a button up raises the ventilation factor exponentially. Exhibit A:

I admit, this picture does bear a slight resemblance to a certain comedian/male cable employee, but I've already made peace with the fact that there are similarities between the two of us. I'm a little indignant, though, because I've taken significant amounts of flack from the female staffers here in regards to my fashion sense. I get a lot of Git-R-Done's, "Trashtastics," and wholly unoriginal "Larry wants his shirt back" comments.

I don't see what the problem is. First, popular magazines are always saying that it is important to dress comfortably, because if you're uncomfortable, chances are you won't look good. Check - I'm comfortable. Second, I feel that my shirt choice is appropriate for the situation. When my job entails stepping in manure, walking on a dusty trail, and constantly sweating, I feel like this shirt is the correct choice. Finally, I don't know where the comments about looking trashy are coming from because, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm wearing a collar. Collar = classy. There you go! A fashion trifecta: comfortable, correct, and classy.

Death Cab and I-90

2008-05-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

I drove from Chicago to Rochester yesterday, stopping over for a quick visit with the 'rents before pressing on to Lake Beauty today. I've gotten to see firsthand the chaos and destruction of the house remodeling project. I have a lot of sympathy for my mom and dad having to live in a house that is only 1/3 livable. It's a little claustrophobic and a lot dusty. That being said, they're making it work and the house is going to be incredible! I'm very excited to see the finished product.

But back to me, for this blog is nothing if not self-centered.

I love driving. Sure, I get bored sometimes and occasionally my back and legs get sore from sitting for so long, but it's usually worth it. Car trips are when I do a lot of my big thinking and when I feel most free. Life seems full of possibilities and hope when I'm chasing down the horizon behind the wheel of a car with nothing but my thoughts and some well-chosen music. Yesterday was a Death Cab for Cutie road trip. (I should mention that, since its release in September of 2007, I have listened to Mainstay's Become Who You Are album on every roadtrip I've taken. Other than this ritual, though, Death Cab was my main musical experience for the day.)

I listened to three albums, Transatlanticism, Plans, and their newest album, Narrow Stairs (thank you, Zach and Kate). If you've never listened to DCFC, I would highly recommend them. Musically, they have a distinct style that may or may not be for you, but grows on you the more you listen. Lyrically, I think they are genius. They have a great knack for taking commonplace ideas and objects from our everyday experiences and using them as metaphors for the bigger questions and truths of life.

So, it was me, my car, Death Cab, and the open road for 5 hours. It was a good time of head-clearing as I begin my transition from student life to ministry and leadership. Here's to the cathartic powers of music and motorized transportation.

Summer 2008

2008-05-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

As of May 20, I'm going to be living in a trailer at Lake Beauty Bible Camp in the countryside of central Minnesota. I'm pretty excited for the change of scenery, exchanging noisy streets and concrete for a calm lake and trees. Still, and I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to miss Chicago. Will I miss the clamor, traffic, and high cost of living? I will not. Will I miss all my friends and family who I love more than words can express? Absolutely.

Here's a few things that are going to happen this summer while I'm gone:

1. My nephew, Isaac, is going to master the art of walking. He's already mastered the art of being cute, so I suppose an efficient mode of transportation is next.

2. My best friend, Tim, will finish his Bachelor's degree.

3. The beautiful baby Eva is going to continue growing, both physically and in her ever-emerging personality.

4. My fellow seminarians will take classes, earn internship credits, or maybe complete a summer of CPE.

5. There will be barbecues, trips to the Lake, nights at Ravinia, festivals in the city, and all kinds of other summer fun.

I'm excited for all that will happen here while I'm gone. I want to hear all about it, both during the summer and when I get back. I'll do my best to blog now and again to give updates of all that I'll be doing this summer.

Have fun, everybody.

P.S.

2008-05-13T22:29:00.000-07:00

Huh. Something froze up Microsoft Word and I lost the last few hours of work on a paper. Huh.

Resisting all urges to make some bad decisions, I rewrote the lost sections to the best of my ability. I heart school. Not.

(insert expletive here)

"The sun'll come out, tomorrow..."

The Downward Spiral

2008-05-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

Right off the bat, let's be honest: the time I am using to type this right should be going into writing my papers. Fo shiz.

Again, in the spirit of honesty, though, is anyone surprised that I need to blow off a little steam by bloggin' it up on the trips dubs? (World Wide Web = WWW = Three Ws = Three Dubs = Triple Dubs = Trips Dubs)

I'm over writing papers. It was cool at...wait, it was never cool. Research papers are for jokers.

You know what's not for jokers, though? Summer! Summer is top notch and we should all get behind that idea! Summer is super cool because it means lots of sunshine, LC Monsters, awesome people's weddings, kickin' it old school with the fellas from Silver Lake Road, livin' in a trailer by a lake, and no homework. Whattup.

In conclusion:

homework/papers/tests = not awesome and for punks

summer/no homework = neat and for swell folks

Catch ya later.

Myanmar

2008-05-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'll say right now that all of my information about the current situation in Myanmar is coming from cnn.com and wikipedia.org.

That being said, is there a point at which the United States, the U.N., or somebody needs to say, "Screw Myanmar's military junta...we're going in to help people!" and just do it?

And why is the military government dragging its feet on allowing foreign aid groups into the country? What is there motivation?

And so it begins...

2008-04-25T16:58:00.001-07:00

That's right, the end-of-the-semester-cram-from-all-the-procrastination time is here. I'm not at all excited to be entering this time of chaos, but I know it is a horror from which I cannot escape. What if I could, though? Are there any circumstances or maybe "an Aristotelean confluence of events" that would grant me some kind of reprieve from the madness that is about to ensue? Hmm...

What if I just got in my car and drove away? Me on the open road: the wind in my (very short) hair, the highway stretching out before me like an invitation to adventure, and nothing to stop me but the limits of my imagination. Cut to 3 hours later when I stop to fill up my gas tank, only to find that buying ten gallons of gas is a financial burden that roughly equals taking out a mortgage on a small house.

So, maybe driving away wouldn't work out on my current budget, but maybe my life could take a cinematic turn. Maybe I could be recruited by the CIA and have a cool first name that is also a country. Perhaps I could discover that I have super powers that are the product of the evolution of human genetics and a name fraught with alliteration. Or maybe I could realize that there is a piece of jewelry in my possession that threatens to rid the world of everything good and holy and that I alone possess the determination and strength of character to complete the seemingly impossible task of bringing said jewelry a volcano in which it can be "unmade." The only potential problems I can see with these scenarios, and mind you, they are minor, are that I'm not an amazingly beautiful woman, I'm pretty confident that my DNA is just your run-of-the-mill standard human, and most of my jewelry is of the hemp variety. Let's be honest: burning any of my jewelry in a fire seems less likely to save the world and more likely to be misconstrued as a futile attempt to get high.

So, I guess I just need to face the music and put in the work to complete my papers/tests/presentations. It seems daunting, but I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You know what that light is called? Summer! The truth of the matter is, in 3 weeks, come hell or highwater, I'll be done with classes and off to a summer of living in a trailer down by the lake. How's that for motivation?

Bueller...Bueller?

2008-04-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

According to weather.com, the forecast for the Chicago area today is a high temperature of 70 degrees with sunny skies. I'd say that qualifies as a pretty gorgeous spring day. It's been a long time coming, and I think I speak for everyone in the 60625 area code when I say that a shot of sunshine and warm air is just what we need. Which brings me to my point: in the immortal words of the great Ferris Bueller: "How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?"

MmmmmmmmmHHHMMMMMM!

Again...

2008-03-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Another perk of my break has been watching more West Wing. I'll say it again: The West Wing is the best television show ever. If you're not convinced, watch Season Three, the episode "Bartlet For America." Undeniable...best show...ever.

Spring "Break"

2008-03-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

It was a lovely 50 degree day, I had a great talk with my best bud at work today, and now I'm sitting in my apartment enjoying the cool breeze coming through my open windows as the sounds of Bob Seger's "We've Got Tonight" fill the night air. It's not a week in Cancun, but it'll have to do because this week is my Spring "Break."

I use quotes because the official term for this week is "Reading Week," implying accurately that these 5 days without class will be used predominantly for reading and other studying activities. Again, it's not a week of fun in the sun on a beach somewhere, but it is a much needed break from my daily class routine.

With all of this free time on my hands, I've had time to catch up on some of my entertainment past times: music and movies.

Music -

I love music. I think it's one of God's greatest gifts to His creation. I'm one of those people who always has a song on his mind. Sometimes it matches the occasion, sometimes it's just there for no reason. Sometimes it's a great song, like "What You Want" by Caedmon's Call, and sometimes it's a little less edifying, like "Low" by Flo Rida featuring T-Pain. But who doesn't like "Boots with the furrrr," right? No matter what it is, though, there's always something playing in my head. I honestly think the world would be a better place if we could all have a soundtrack that followed us wherever we went to accent the moments in our lives that could be heightened by a poignant irish whistle or a rising string section.

So, my most recent music purchase is Kenotic an album by Hammock, a musical collaboration of Marc Byrd and Andrew Thompson. Marc Byrd is probably best known for his song, "God of Wonders," but Hammock is an altogether different sound, very ambient and instrumentally lyrical, creating music that is somewhat reminiscent of Sigur Ros and Explosions in the Sky. Three songs from the album Kenotic were featured during figure skating competitions of the 2006 Winter Olympics. I really like the album.

Movies -

Movies are a big part of my life. Shocker. I can quote you the first 30 minutes of Tommy Boy and sure, I probably have a perfect movie scene to match most real life situations, but I think movies can also be an incredible art form. Just like a painting or a sculpture, movies can communicate thoughts and emotions that engage the very core of who we are as people.

Last night, I finished watching the new release Into the Wild, the movie based on Jon Krakauer's book by the same title. I haven't read the book, so I don't know how closely it follows Krakauer's narrative, but I think the film version is extremely moving. Sean Penn did a fantastic job directing, and Emile Hirsch's acting was very powerful. In addition, Hirsch did all of his own stunts, including kayaking through rapids and rock climbing. The cinematography in the movie is overwhelmingly beautiful, making it worth watching for the scenery alone. I would definitely recommend this movie. My only caveat is that you will probably cry...I did. I haven't cried during a movie since...I don't know, I think since I saw Click starring Adam Sandler. (Whatever...laugh at me all you want, but I dare you to see that movie and not cry during the scene in the rain.)

Well, that's my Spring Break update. I'm off to Senor Frog's. And by that, I mean my homework.

Umm...yeah.

2008-03-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

Speaking of doing my homework...

The West Wing is the best television show ever. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Policy

2008-02-27T08:41:00.001-08:00

I'd like to issue a formal statement to anyone who would care to comment on my blog that I will remove any comments that are marked "anonymous." I mean no ill will by this, but I believe that the anonymity of blogs, online chats, instant messaging, emails, etc. has opened a secret compartment in Pandora's Box that allows people to say anything without having to stand by their words and accept whatever praise or criticism they might elicit. In an effort to combat this trend, I am making my blog an anonymous-free zone.

Real Quick...

2008-02-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

A while back I posted about Bratz. I think I made it clear how I feel about that. Also, it's no secret that I'm not a big fan of American Christianity's ongoing effort to be relevant by "Christianizing" every big trend in one way or another. Here's my new favorite example:

Umm...I don't even know what to say.

Group Work on a "Grad" Scale

2008-02-17T11:36:00.001-08:00

(DISCLAIMER: This post serves as a cathartic rant about my frustrations with group work. I am in no way implying that I have harsh feelings toward group members past, present, and/or future. In addition, I mean no disrespect to my professors nor do I question their credentials, I am simply voicing my opinion about the practice of group work.)

I'm in my second semester of seminary here at NPTS. I'm in grad school. I'm 26. I live in my own apartment, "pay" my own bills, buy my own groceries, "cook" my own "food," and generally live an adult life (I'm afraid to put either of those words in quotes because of the connotation it might give).

It is these characteristics of an adult life that would lead me to believe that I am an adult. There are a few different factors, however, that seem to suggest I have not yet attained full adult status. One is that current sociological culture contends that adolescence as a stage of development now extends into the mid-20s, roughly ending at the age of 26. Cool, I'm still an adolescent. A second factor is that I am single. Like it or lump it (I don't really know what "lumping it" would entail), being single in a church/ministry environment is somewhat of a strike against me. Anything from the "you're single, so you don't really have a schedule..." comments I get to the most frustrating one ever: "Well, you're not married, and you don't have kids, so you don't really understand what real responsibility is. Until you have those things in your life, you're never going to understand what it means to be responsible." What a great peptalk the week before I take your child, along with 25 others into Mexico for 8 days. No joke, that actually happened.

Getting back to my title, though...I think the number one reason I feel like I haven't reached adulthood is the fact I have been and will continue to be a part of "group work" in my grad school classes. Let me rephrase that with proper disdain: as a seminary student, many of my classes include projects that require group work. I'm getting a graduate level grade for group work. 11 years after completing junior high, I am once again obligated to participate in the ridiculously inane practice of group work. Seriously...seriously?

Now, I like to play nice with others as much as the next person, but I'll tell you why I think group work is a bad idea. My reasoning is three-fold:

1. There's no such thing as equality within group work. No matter how competent the members and how well intentioned each may be, one person always bears the brunt of the responsibility for the group's work. Some call this leadership; I call it being a sucker. Now, I say that as one who, more often than not, has ended up being the sucker. Even in groups in which all the members are hard-working and motivated, one person always gets stuck "pulling it all together." One person always ends up being responsible for making sure that the whole group gets a good grade. It's like being the one who pays the dinner bill with a credit card and then has the group pay him/her cash...and I think we all know how that story ends.

2. Life doesn't give group grades. I think a lot of people my age have gone out into the world, expecting "real life" to echo the format of our education. Yeah, and then we wake up. Sure, people work in groups, but there is no "group grade" in the real world. The business world is built on the ideas of competition, "climbing the corporate ladder," and finding the quickest and best ways to differentiate oneself from those around you in order to gain promotions and attain status. It's a dog-eat-dog world. I may work toward a common goal with those around me at my job, but if something goes wrong, individuals will be blamed. Even in a church setting (because I'm in seminary), if people within the congregation are unhappy, the pastor is getting blamed. It could be the theme of a Sunday morning service, the volume of the drums (heaven forbid there would be drums in a sanctuary), the scheduling of the family Christmas pageant, or the color of the Noah's Ark wallpaper in the nursery...make no mistake, the pastor will get an earful. Knowing that, I find it hard to be motivated to "earn a group grade" in classes that are preparing me to be the very person who will have to say, "the buck stops here."

3. I'm paying a great deal of money for my education in seminary. And what is all this money for? Well, primarily it is used to pay the salaries of my professors. That's right, I'm here to learn from those who are considered experts in their fields. My attendance at seminary is predicated upon the notion that my professors know more than I do and that my presence in their classes will allow them to pass on their knowledge to me and my classmates. (For the record, I do think my professors are experts in their fields and I am learning from them.) Group work is predicated upon the notion that 5-7 seminary students who are all equally clueless can work together and effectively teach the rest of the class with the same proficiency as an experienced professor. It's as if people believe that collective sleep deprivation, unreasonable amounts of caffeine, a few slick Power Point slides, and the desire for a good "group grade" is somehow an adequate substitute for being a competent professor. I don't buy it. It's the blind leading the blind.

I'm going to descend from my soapbox now because I need to go prepare for my group presentation tomorrow. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

Mental Picture

2008-02-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

Do you have a mental picture of yourself? I know I do, but it changes depending on where I am or what I'm doing. A lot of times I still think of myself as an awkward junior high kid who wears husky-size clothing, especially when I'm in public speaking situation. It really helps with the anxiety.

Then there are other times I "see" myself differently. For instance, when I'm at the gym and really working out hard, my mental picture of of me when I was 22 and in great shape. It's at those moments when all of the promises of a Men's Health cover don't seem so unattainable. I think, "Yeah, I've got a couple pounds to lose, but at the rate I'm going on this elliptical machine, it won't be long before I look like this..."

Maybe I'm being a little unrealistic, but honestly, as I'm pumping out the reps on the pull-up bar (er...assisted pull-up bar), I can easily delude myself into thinking I'm not far from my goal. Okay, just kidding, there's no way I'll ever look like Brad Pitt, body or otherwise. Let's face it: I'm just not that pretty and neither are you (unless you're Brad Pitt and you are reading this and then...well done, I guess...and you were great in 12 Monkeys). But who's to say that with a little more hard work I couldn't look like...

I mean, sure Matthew McConaughey has also been awarded the prestigious honor of People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, but he's just a regular dude who works out a lot with other regular dudes...like Lance Armstrong and Jake Gyllenhaal... so looking like him is a more realistic goal, right? Seriously, I think my belly is just a few crunches away from a serious transformation. Plus, I lived in Florida for a while and went running on the beach occasionally, so I'm like, 90% of the way there already. Once I grow a beard and get a dog, we're pretty much identical.

Yeah, mental pictures are tricky. The funny part comes when reality hits and I realize that, while I am doing well at exercising daily and working toward better overall health, it'll take a few more trips to the gym to start seeing results that are worthy of my own Bowflex commercial. Until then, a more realistic mental image might look something like this:

And you know what? It's not that bad. At least I'll have a snappy catchphrase to motivate me to keep up my work out routine: "GIT-R-DONE!"

Face Lift

2008-02-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

I'm trying a new look. Same old blog, though, so don't get too excited. Stay tuned for my next post: Group Work on a "Grad" Scale.

P.S. - My inspiration for the change was my cousin's blog. Emily, that's one classy lookin' blog you got there.

Insert Topic Here

2008-02-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Just so everyone knows, I already judge myself harshly for the title of this post. It's annoying, completely unoriginal, and not even a little funny, but I figure I'm allowed to do it once. So I did.

My excuse for not blogging lately is that I have been swamped with homework. That's right, the second semester is in full swing, and I am reaping the benefits of taking 6 seminary classes: lots and lots of reading. I'm doing my best to keep up with it all, and I think I'm getting better at sitting still for more than 5 minutes at a time. My seminary colleagues may beg to differ, but it's my blog, so I'll write what I want. I'm not the fastest reader, but I think I'm getting better at picking up the pace and still comprehending what I'm reading. Much to my surprise, I'm actually enjoying the assigned text for my church history class. At least right now...

Honestly, I think the not so hidden meaning in my title today is that, as of late, I have struggled to find topics about which to blog. Or topics about which to post on my blog. Or topics about which to write in a new post on my blog. I don't know what the correct usage of each piece of terminology is, but I know for dang sure I'm not ending a sentence with a preposition. It's not that I'm a snob about writing. It has more to do with growing up in an English teacher's house, being Swedish, and being the youngest child. Mix those three together and you've got a fun cocktail of proper grammar habits, inbred Scandinavian guilt, and an overwhelming need to prove self-worth through good performance. It's a barrel full of laughs. Moving on...(hehehe)

I finished my first week of my second semester of my first year of seminary. Halfway through this first week, I considered the idea that three of my second semester classes function as the second halves of three of my first semester classes. During the first semester, my grades received for each of the first three halves of these classes were directly proportional to the my level of interest in each subject matter. In order to get the scholarship I want for my second year year of seminary, I realized that my grades for the second halves of my first semester classes would need to be greater than or equal to the grades for the first halves of my second semester classes. Because the second semester classes are going to be more challenging than each of their first halves in the first semester, my level of productivity in the first semester will not produce an equal grade in the second semester. Productivity = (the level of interest in the subject matter) x [(the amount of time spent studying) - (the number of times I fall asleep in class)]. My grades in the first semester = (my productivity) / (the difficulty of the classes). If the difficulty of my second semester classes increase by factor of x, and I want my second semester grades to be greater than or equal to my first semester grades, then my productivity must also increase by a factor of x. Therefore, assuming that me level of interest in each of the second semester classes is the same as it was for my first semester classes, in order for the increase in difficulty to be less than the increase in my productivity, I must either increase my time spent studying or decrease the number of times I fall asleep in class. Or both.

All that to say, second semester going well so far. Looks like I'm getting back into the swing of academics. I mean, hey, I sit down to blog and what comes out? Reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Workin' on it...

2008-01-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

I've been reminded by a few people lately that I have been negligent in following up on the ending of my hiatus from blogging, so I'm writing this post to force myself back into the habit (no association with the film Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit).

These last few weeks have flown by incredibly fast, and the next week promises to follow suit. My week-long class went great: I loved the subject matter, there were very interesting people in the class, and my professor was amazing. It couldn't have been better. For the last 2 weeks I've been working, pretty much non-stop, at the Covenant Bookstore, helping my boss (and best friend) Tim get things all prepped for the Midwinter Conference of the Evangelical Covenant Church. This prep has included, but was not limited to, taking inventory of our books, putting together the correct amounts of books and materials to be trucked over to the conference, continuing to keep up with day to day book orders, and schlepping over 10,000 pounds of free books that will be handed out to those at the conference over the next week. It's been exhausting, but hopefully we're being good team players and our efforts will help the conference go well. Bare minimum, at least people will take their free books so I won't have to load and unload them all over again. Hopefully.

In the middle of the last 2 weeks was a weekend (shocker) that was the wedding weekend of one of my best buds from high school. My friend Jon and I made the drive to Dayton, Ohio for Mark's wedding. It was an absolute blast: non-stop fun and partying, group games in the hotel lobby (sometimes late into the night), a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception, a certain 2 am Waffle House run that included 8 full-size guys piling into a 4-door sedan, and great times with close friends. Definitely the highlight of my January so far...aside from the 10,000 pounds of books.

Hiatus: Ended

2008-01-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

That's right, folks, Christmas break over and so is my break from blogging. I start a class tomorrow, so I figure my fingers need to warm up for a new round of paper typing. The last thing I need is the embarrassment of a finger cramp in the middle of an intense session of note-taking on my computer during class.

It's January 6, all day long, and for whatever reason, it's 58 degrees outside in Chicago. I have all my windows open. And I'm a little warm. I appreciate the fresh air, or Chicago's closest facsimile to fresh air, but let's be reasonable, people: it's January. Where did my arctic temperatures go? Why is all the snow melted? Why is Chicago's weather as fickle as Lindsay Lohan's sobriety? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I'm tempted to blame Nobel Prize Winner Al Gore. Didn't he invent global warming?

Like I said (or wrote), I start a class tomorrow. It's called "Youth Assessment." It's a January intensive course, meaning that it is one week long, 8 am - 4:30 pm. Am I excited for a class focusing on youth issues and ministry? Yes. Am I terrified that I will go stir crazy from sitting in the same room for 8.5 hours five days in a row? Yes. I'm hopeful that a strict regimen of Diet Mountain Dew, Cool Watermelon Extra chewing gum, and the occasional Scrabulous game amidst my note-taking will take the edge off, at least enough for me to avoid any Hulk-esque outbursts.

Alt-Teens and Beowulf

2007-11-20T07:57:00.000-08:00

So, I went to Beowulf a week or so ago with Tim and Meghan. As we were walking into the theater, we passed the standard group of middle schools students loitering around the entrance to the theater, smoking what I can only assume to be illegally purchased or stolen cigarettes, being obnoxiously loud in their inane conversations, and annoying the occasional movie-goer on his/her way into the building with a snide remark. I was fortunate enough to receive such an honor.

Tim, Meghan, and I are walking toward the doors, I am leading and they are following me. As I am passing through the cloud of second-hand smoke, one of the boys in the group, pausing from taking drags off the Virginia Slim he stole from his mom's purse, gives me a sneer and says, "What's up, tough guy?" Huh.

I'm tempted to begin a rant about the depravity of youth in America, decaying family values, poor parenting, and the eventual need for martial law, but I think I'll resort to sarcasm and describing hypothetical responses that I would have found entertaining. Cool?

Scenario #1

As soon as the kid started laughing with his friends, I turned around, looked him straight in the eye, and told him that making fun of me wasn't going to make him a better person. I told him, "It's normal to want to act cool in front of your friends but making fun of me isn't the way to do that. Come on, you look like a smart kid...what are you doing hanging out here, smoking, and trying to cause trouble? Why don't you and friends come inside, we'll get some popcorn, and we can all go to Bee Movie together? Come on, ditch those cancer sticks and lets go inside..." The kid was a little shocked, but he and his cronies decided to take me up on my offer. We all went inside and watched the movie that Entertainment Weekly calls "buzzworthy...a honey-sweet fable that's stranger — and deeper — than your average animated tale." It was a new beginning for those kids, and they learned that popcorn and cartoons are much better than cigarettes and anonymous insults (cue NBC music, "The More You Know...").

Yeah, like I would ever go to Bee Movie...

Scenario #2

The kid begins to snicker at me, revelling in his genius "tough guy" comment. I spin around, get up in his face and growl, "What did you just say to me?" I take the cigarette out of his hand, take a long drag, and exhale the smoke into his face. I continue to glare at the kid, waiting for an answer as he stutters nervously. Just as he is about to lose bladder control and cry, I flick his cigarette on the ground. "That's what I thought..." I say with a grunt as I turn around and walk toward the theater. I open the door for Tim and Meghan and, just as I'm about to follow them inside, I turn around and say in an icy tone, "Let's not let this happen again."

Can I please be The Punisher someday?

Scenario #3 (aka, what really happened)

Tim, Meghan, and I continue walking, go into the theater, and buy our tickets. As we're standing in line to go into the theater, I tell Meghan what the kid said and we laugh about it. A week and a half later, I write a blog post about it in the hopes of making people laugh. The end.

As for Beowulf...well, it wasn't great. I say that with disappointment because I was ready for it to be fantastic. I'm a huge Ray Winstone fan. I love "epic" movies. I like movies about tough guy heroes who battle monsters. Anthony Hopkins...need I say more? The film had a lot of things going for it when I sat down in the theater, ready to be blown away. Unfortunately, it didn't quite deliver. The story was very altered, and not for the better, and the animation was cool, but there were times when I felt like I was watching one of the Shrek movies. Overall, it wasn't horrible, and there were some great scenes where the acting, animation, music, etc. worked together flawlessly, but I don't think it was worth the $9.00 I paid.

Oh, well...at least I met somebody who thinks I'm a tough guy.

Remember, Remember, the 5th of November...

2007-11-05T14:50:00.000-08:00

I guess...

I think V for Vendetta was a good movie, but I can't really remember. I'm pretty sure some of my friends were obsessed with it, though, so it has to be somewhat interesting. Oh yeah, I remember...it was kind of a cross between Britney's Crossroads and Mariah's Glitter, right?

So, it's November. It's 45 degrees out, blustery (my favorite Winnie the Pooh word), and I couldn't be happier. I can't get enough of the autumn weather. The chill in the air that is a warning of the winter to come, the rustling of the leaves that have formed colorful piles under the trees, and the setting of the sun at roughly 2:30 in the afternoon (thanks daylight savings time). Yes, fall is here and I'm happy as a clam! I refuse to close my windows, despite the falling temperatures, because I sleep like a baby when the air is cold and my bed is warm. I'm not afraid to wake up being able to see my breath in my bedroom.

That's it. Peace out.

Fall Break

2007-10-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

I watched Transformers last night with my friends Tim and Meghan. I think Meghan was a little disturbed by the childlike glee Tim and I exhibited when Optimus Prime transformed for the first time. I was equally giddy when Jon Voight first appeared on the screen...question mark?

In other news, last week was fall break for North Park Seminary. It was GREAT to have a week off from classes. I picked up a couple extra shifts at Computer Services and then took off on Wednesday for Minnesota: God's Country. It was AMAZING! I spent 3 days at Lake Beauty Bible Camp. The temperatures were in the 50s, it rained, the air was clean, and the only sound I heard at night was the wind in the trees. I did not miss the sirens that scream from Foster Ave every 20 minutes in Chicago. It was a great weekend.

To top it off, I returned to Chicago on Saturday night in order to be present for the dedication of my nephew, Isaac David Danielson, on Sunday morning. It was great to be there, to see three generations of Danielson men standing together before God, and to hear the wonderful words that my brother and sister-in-law shared as they dedicated their son to the Lord Jesus.

So, it was a good fall break. And now I'm back. Back in Chicago, back at North Park, back in classes, and back working at Computer Services. "...back to reality, oh there goes gravity, oh there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad, but he won't give up that, easy..." Wait, I'm in Chicago, not 8 Mile. Anyway, despite my best efforts to be optimistic, I'm finding that re-entry is difficult. I miss my friends in Minnesota. I miss clean air. I miss buying cereal for under $6. I am determined to have a positive attitude, but the steady traffic and incessant noise, coupled with the surprisingly high concentration of altogether unpleasant people don't make that task any easier. Maybe if I just make sure I have a smile on my face as I punch people...

Anyway, just some recent thoughts. In the music world, I need to confess that I am totally addicted to the new OneRepublic song "Apologize" featuring Timbaland. I also like the original. You can listen to them both on OneRepublic's myspace page.

Wow, this has been a pretty boring post. Kudos to you if you're still reading. The next one will be better.

T.G.I.F.

2007-10-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the weekend is in sight. My weekends usually start Thursday night (as NP Seminary doesn't have classes on Fridays), but I recently picked up an extra shift of work at Computer Services on Friday mornings from eight to noon. Unfortunately, my desire to afford groceries has trumped my desire to start my weekends early. It's not the worst thing, though, as I think I'll be a lot more productive with my day because I'm forced to wake up and get it started. Cheers to optimism (at least on the first Friday of my new schedule...we'll see how it pans out).

As a follow up to my last post, fall has now arrived in Chicago. Bones. The last few days have topped out in the mid-50's temperature-wise, allowing me to open all my windows and get some "fresh" air. I've been sleeping great. I'm the kind of guy who likes cold air and a warm bed, so I've been in heaven the last couple nights. I wake up in the morning with a little chill on the tips of my ears and nose...perfect. Me gusta el frio.

In other news, I'm reading a little book by Henri Nouwen called Out of Solitude. It's very simple, but very profound. The basic idea so far is that we all need times of solitude in our lives. I won't say any more, but it's only about 50 pages, so it's a quick read. Check it out.

Because it's Friday, I want to do something fun. So, I'm going to share a few more of my random questions:

Is it weird that Al Gore (and the UN's IPCC) just won a Nobel Peace Prize for raising awareness of a phenomenon that my dad doesn't believe exists?
When was the last time you heard someone do the "Whaaatzzaaaaap?" thing from those commercials?
Would you rather eat a big steak or a big lobster?
Have you bought the new Mainstay album, Become Who You Are, yet? If not, what's with the death wish?
Does being President of the United States grant one the power to invent words?
Who would win in a fight: Jack Bauer or Sidney Bristow?
Shouldn't Dancing with the Stars really be called Celebrities Looking for a Comeback?
"You are what you eat." Really? Am I really a Hot Pockets Chicken Pot Pie? ("Hot pockets!")
How come good shows, like Arrested Developments, Jack and Bobby, and Studio 60 get cancelled?
As a Christian, do I have a responsibility to vote for "Christian" politicians? Or for "Christian" legislation (prayer in schools, "In God We Trust" issues, etc.)?
Where is the last place in the world you would want to go?

We'll see what people think. Be sure to click the hot pockets link...it's 5 minutes well spent. Just for fun, my answers are:

Yes, it's weird.
About 2 months ago...and the situation included beer.
Right now I'd have to say lobster.
Yes, I've bought the album. As for your death wish, I'm happy to oblige.
Apparently.
Sidney Bristow, no contest. Jack Bauer is a poser. Sidney Bristow is bad-action.
Yes.
I don't think I'm a Hot Pockets Chicken Pot Pie.
To make room for new crappy shows, like ones based on commercials (Cavemen). What a bad idea.
I think it's important to not blindly follow the "Christian" label. There are a lot of good "Christian" people, groups, and ideas out there, but I don't think the label alone guarantees authenticity. Conversely, there are a lot of groups out there that are doing "Christian" things without using the label. I'm interested to hear what other people think.
Prison. Or Gary, Indiana.

Hulk Smash

2007-10-08T14:17:00.000-07:00

I'm angry today. Not simply frustrated, annoyed, or irritable...angry. Turn-green-rip-up-concrete-smash-cars-with-tree-trunks-angry. I ransacked my entire apartment this morning before class just because I couldn't find my Starbucks gift card. I almost got out of my car in the grocery store parking lot to punch a guy in the face because he was walking slow and blocking me from my potential parking spot. I wanted to throw my books at my professor and storm out of class this afternoon. I almost didn't show up for work because I couldn't stand the thought of having to smell the moldy carpet in the basement and sit for four hours assisting people with their computer queries, all of which could more than likely be solved simply by restarting the computer.

I want to throw things. I want to scream obscenities. I want to climb out of my own body just so I can have one moment of peace from the overwhelming desire to throttle everything in sight. And do you know why...?

(This is probably an extreme over-simplification, but...) Because it is October 8 and it is 87 degrees outside! With over 50% humidity! Are you KIDDING me?! Yesterday was 88 degrees. Who does a guy have to sleep with to get some friggin' fall weather around here?! I mean, come on, I live in Chicago. I expected this in Florida, but my longitudinal position on the globe is significantly farther North...I'm entitled to some autumn temperatures! What is the hold-up?

Seriously, can I get a "what-what"? Is anyone else at least slightly put-off by the utter lack of seasonal change? If not, try going to three back-to-back seminary classes in an upper-floor room in which the temperature and humidity increase exponentially the day progresses. It was great, and by "great" I mean "kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic" (Rachel, Friends, "The One With Ross's New Girlfriend").

(Justin Anderson, if you're reading this, you know exactly what face I've been making all day: my patented "I'm smiling but I'm going to KILL you" face.)

I don't think I'm alone in my thoughts. Maybe in the intensity of said thoughts, but I'd be willing to wager that there are others who might agree that walking to class in October shouldn't necessarily be an activity that results in a profuse amount of back sweat, not that it isn't super-attractive to the girl who had to sit behind me through my one o'clock class.

So I want to know, is anyone else maybe a little on edge from this weather? Is anyone else thinking that cooler weather isn't just a nice idea right now, but that it might actually be the difference between sanity and homocidal rage for tomorrow?

Blog Binge

2007-09-24T15:51:00.001-07:00

Look at me blogging twice in one day! I must have so much to say. From pearls of wisdom to witty comments, from insightful realizations to comical observations. All these fit together to form yet another wonderful post on my blog.

Or I'm just super bored at work and I find that blogging tends to temporarily numb the overwhelming desire I have to put an object, most likely my hand, through the computer screens around me. Staring at me with their condescending "Welcome to Windows. Press Ctrl-Alt-Delete to begin." Why I oughta...

Maybe computers are really helpful for communication, information gathering, and, well, blogging, but there's something about their clean lines, flat screens, and soft humming sounds that makes me want to reduce them into unrecognizable, piles of mangled plastic and twisted metal (a.k.a. modern art). Or maybe I need a little share time with a professional who can help me free my inner child and redirect my anger at K-Fed's music career where it belongs.

Either way, I think that a full-time career in computer services may not be my true calling. Don't get me wrong, the fast-paced, adrenaline-pumping, no-holds-barred world of a North Park Computer Services Student Tech is pretty tempting, but I think I'd be selling myself short if I didn't hold out for my dream job at Paramount Pictures: Assistant to Mr. Shatner for the upcoming Star Trek XI movie.

Questions...

2007-09-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've really wanted to post for a while, but I find myself in short supply of time, motivating topics, and/or lack of confidence that my post won't be utterly boring. I would say that I have "writer's block," but I'm not sure it's acceptable to use that term when referring to blogging, especially when the blog's could be considered on par with grocery-store-check-out-line tabloids. Honestly, I think my last genuine post was on Bratz. Granted, I think I was justified in my topic in that I had a real bone to pick (what does that phrase even mean?), but still, I think I need to start reading a newspaper or something so that the scope of my writing can expand beyond the world of 'tweener dolls.

All that to say, I don't have an actual topic today, but I felt I needed to write for the sake of "getting back on the horse." (I actually understand that metaphor because I've fallen off a horse before. Don't get me wrong, real life experiences can be very valuable, but I'm not going to give a blanket recommendation to fall off a horse just to understand the phrase.)

So, two paragraphs later, here's my topic for today: random questions for you to ponder.

1. How do people feel about the GM strike?

2. Should movies be allowed to include rape scenes? (Most recent example is the upcoming "Kite Runner" that is generating controversy.)

3. OJ: How dumb are you?

4. How excited am I about the release of Halo 3 tomorrow?

5. Is it wrong that I'm blogging at work?

6. Who is going to win the Super Bowl this season? Could John Madden be any more annoying?

7. Would you rather vacation in the mountains or on the beach?

8. Ford or Chevy? (There is a correct answer to this one.)

9. If you could be one animal, what animal would you be? (A zoo-themed question inspired by my weekend.)

10. Britney...just...I can't...?

Think about 'em.

READ THIS and Follow the Instructions!

2007-09-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have iTunes, Mainstay's new single is one of the free downloads this week. GO DOWNLOAD IT RIGHT NOW! Stop reading this and go. NOW!

Sunday Nights

2007-09-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

Grad school, huh? Sunday nights are once again my time for doing homework in a mad rush to be ready for the week ahead. I wish I were watching a Nick Cage movie right now...

Bratz and J.V.

2007-09-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time. Time to write about a cultural phenomenon that is the fastest epidemic to sweep our nation since typhus. That's right, it's time to write about...Bratz!

Move over, Barbie, 'cause these are "The Only Girls with a Passion for Fashion!" Okay?! If you've never seen a Bratz doll, imagine a slightly shorter Barbie (10 inches to Barbie's 11.5 inches) with more exaggerated facial features and make-up, crazier hair, and outfits that would make any mother proud...of her daughter's career as a hooker. These dolls embody everything to which junior high girls should aspire. Cloe, Sasha, Jade, and Jasmin are the four who started it all. But MGA Entertainment didn't stop there. There are Lil' Bratz, Bratz Boyz, Bratz Babyz, Bratz Petz, Bratz Big Babyz, Bratz Kidz, Bratz Big Kidz, and Be-Bratz, a customizable version of the doll complete with a USB key that allows the owner to take their Be-Bratz online. Thankz, MGA, for giving America'z children these amazing toyz and loadz of memory association that will make them unable to ever properly spell plural wordz, er...words.

The best part is, these girls just can't be stopped. In 2007, breaking free from the prison of their plastic skin, Cloe, Sasha, Jade, and Jasmin have come to life on the silver screen in Bratz: The Movie. I want to know who thought this movie would be a good idea (besides Paula Abdul, the original Executive Producer, Fashion Designer, and Dance Choreographer of the movie). Seriously, did we run out of good plots for movies? Lovers meet on an "unsinkable" ship; a man with amnesia tries to discover his past as a government operative; an FBI agent cooperates with an incarcerated killer in order to catch another serial killer; and "during their first year of high school, four best girlfriends face off against the domineering student body president who wants to split them up into different social cliques." Really...really?

I would ask, "Who cares?" but, based on the popularity of the dolls, it seems that the future of these girls social lives are right up there with NASDAQ and National Security. To be fair, I haven't seen this movie. I feel validated in my choice, however, when I read reviews that include "Bratz is like being raped by MySpace" (Joshua Tyler of cinemablend.com). Also, I realize that there are a lot of bad movies out there, but this one seems to unlock a special place in my heart filled with unbridled loathing. Maybe it's the blatant objectification of young women, maybe the role-modeling to young girls that will most likely manifest itself in job security for future high school guidance counselors, or maybe the lie that is propagated to young women that in order to be attractive, one must be well manicured, expensively dressed, properly accessorized, and dumb as a post. Perhaps it is the "cultural diversity" among the girls that is so well thought out that "blonde, fair-skinned Yasmin is Latina, so of course there's a mariachi band in her kitchen. At eight in the morning."

Whatever the reason(s) for my hatred of this movie, it does have one saving grace: Jon Voight. I guess a movie can't be completely devoid of value when it includes in its cast such a talented actor. Mr. Voight brings gravitas to all his roles that reflects seasoned talent, character depth rivaling Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Detective John Kimball" from Kindergarten Cop, and emotional range exceeding that of a taxidermied barn swallow. My friend, Justin Anderson, and I have a special affinity for Jon Voight. We firmly believe that Mr. Voight is one of the most overrated actors ever (along with Nick Cage). Not only that, but he is in every movie ever made. You may not see him on the screen or even in the credits, but he is most certainly there. All the same, how could even you, Jon Voight who is in every movie, be associated with Bratz: The Movie? How can this be interpreted as anything other than an attempt at career suicide? Jon Voight, what are you doing?

It's tough to say. I guess the moral of the story is that the Bratz franchise is another example of society's lack of scrutiny when it comes to what is allowed to be promoted as entertainment for children. America has let copious amounts of eyeshadow, chunky shoes, trashy clothing, and exotic names lull it into a daze in which the film adaptation of these toys is allowed to share theater space with actual movies. Enough people have gone that it has earned 9 million dollars at the box office. If you listen close, you can actually hear brain cells dying. Or maybe I just don't understand what Bratz: The Movie is trying to teach me. "You see, when these barely legal billboards walk down the street in short skirts and porn star makeup, they're just expressing their creativity and livin' life to the fullest. Holla!"

Josh Fink

2007-08-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of blogs in the past. Not really blogs, I guess, but facets of my facebook and myspace pages in which I am able to express my thoughts in paragraph form that both organized into very "blog-like" forms. All that to say, with each "blog" endeavor that I have undertaken, Josh Fink inevitably becomes the subject of one of my posts.

Josh Fink is a great man. He's smart, funny, easy to talk to, selfless, and incredibly good-looking. I'm a fan, and if you know him, I think you are too. If you don't know him...I guess I just really feel sorry for you. You're missing out.

My reason for writing about Fink this evening is that he is sitting right next to me. Right now. We're playing Halo 2 for XBox 360 with Tim Mosbo and Peter VerHage. It's AWESOME.

The reality is, I could write a ton more about how awesome Fink is, how fun it is to have him in Chicago with me right now, and the depths of my love for Halo, but I choose to leave the virtual world in favor of spending time with my friends in the real world. Playing Halo. In the virtual world.

School, School, I Like School!

2007-08-27T17:12:00.001-07:00

I started seminary today. Let's just say that after sleeping through my alarm, waking up 15 minutes before class, going to classes/first day activities from 8 am to 3 pm, and working my new job in !computer services! until 7 pm, I'm pretty glad that I'm sitting at home with my pants off, drinking a Diet Coke, and not being overwhelmed by syllabi, tons of new people, listening to coworkers talk about World of Warcraft, or that stupid feeling of walking into the wrong classroom. Ahhh...

Still, it was a good day. I'm excited for tomorrow.

Songs You Should Hear

2007-08-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

I guess a more appropriate title would be "Songs I'm Obsessed With Right Now." Here they are:

"Unaware" by The Midway State
"I Grieve" by Peter Gabriel
"Before It's Too Late" by the Goo Goo Dolls
"Jesus Christ" by Brand New
"Highwayman" by Johnny Cash
"Cannons" by Jeremy Enigk
"Summer Love" by Justin Timberlake
"Run" by Snow Patrol
"Dark Blue" by Jack's Mannequin
"Wait for You" by Elliot Yamin

and of course...

"Umbrella" by Rihanna

Check 'em out. I like all of them musically, but some of them also have some amazing lyrics. One of my favorites is out of the Peter Gabriel song: "Did I dream this belief, or did I believe this dream?" So good. Also, the song "Jesus Christ" is really insightful:
"I know you're coming in the night like a thief
But I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone you can trust
But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up."

They are all great tunes. But don't take my word for it...(insert Levar Burton moment here).
They are all available on iTunes if you're interested (except "Unaware" by The Midway State). Enjoy!

Setting Sail

2007-08-21T10:45:00.001-07:00

Warning: this post contains poor and uneven use of a nautical theme.

Tomorrow is the first day of orientation at North Park Seminary for me. All of the sudden it's a reality. I'm going to seminary. I'm sailing into the Bermuda Triangle of student life again (the corners of which are homework, sleep deprivation, and Lo Carb Monster energy drinks).

I'm eagerly anticipating the routine that comes with student life, the seasonal changes, the breaks, and the opportunity to focus on learning. I also think I'm a different person than I was during my undergrad years. Hopefully I've matured, and I think that my ability to persevere in the face of of resistance will ensure that I don't jump ship at the first sign of stormy seas ahead.

And isn't it always exhilarating to try something new? It's a fresh start, an opportunitiy to re-invent myself and leave my baggage behind. Not that I haven't learned from my past, but this is my present and my future is ahead of me.

My mood is best summed up in a movie scene (shocking). At the and of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow takes the wheel of his ship, squints into the sun, and mutters, "Now...bring me that horizon."

Mainstay

2007-08-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is SO GOOD to be hanging out with my Minneapolis friends. Some of my friends are in a musical band performance group. They go by the name of Mainstay. They are...how should I put this...AMAZING! Their sophomore album, Become Who You Are, comes out on September 25. Coincidentally, that is the same day that Halo 3 comes out for XBox 360. I'm not going to lie, both those releases are good news for the general well-being of humanity. Smart people will buy Halo 3. Genius people will buy Mainstay's album. Super power awesome cool genius amazing smart people will buy both.

The only question is, which are you?

My New House

2007-08-12T21:52:00.001-07:00

I guess it's more of an apartment, but it's my new home. Here's some pics:

I really like the view...lots of green grass that will be white snow in the winter. Also, it's probably the biggest bedroom I've ever had. Not a bad thing.

Now you know where I live. I guess I'm not being too smart about concealing information from online stalkers. Oh well...bring it on, psychos.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia

2007-08-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

Ah, it's such a classic song. I'm listening to it as I write this. Whoa...and it's it the new version with "Son of a b----" in it. I really wasn't expecting that.

Anysmack, for those who are just joining us in the ongoing saga of my attempt at life, I just moved to Chicago from St. Pete, Florida. I'm chillin' tonight in my new apartment. My mom spent the last 5 days helping me move in and get organized. I must say, it's a pretty sweet pad. Thanks to Mom (BIG TIME!), as well as Zach, Kate, Peter, and Liz for all of the organizing, cleaning, carrying stuff up stairs in the heat, etc.

I figured out that this apartment is the 18th place I've lived since I graduated from high school. Yeah, that's 18 places in 7.5 years. Awesome...question mark?

So, my reason for posting tonight was mainly to get another post up and to start forming the habit of "blogging." Yeah, I'm a blogger. I blog. I think I can get into it, but even as I write this (and re-read my words as I'm sitting here), I'm struck with the idea that maybe having a blog is spring boarding me into a whole new level of vanity. Do people really need the details of my life meticulously spelled out for them in a care-free style of witty banter and playful narrative? And is the whole thing just a thinly veiled effort to gain people's respect by entertaining them with attempts at humor, strategically placed pop-culture references, and my skillful use of Microsoft Word Thesaurus?

Side note - "Before It's Too Late" by the Goo Goo Dolls just came on my iTunes. So good. You can always count on the Goo Goo Dolls for some serious feel-good rock. I heart Johnny Rzeznik.

Um, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, my blatant narcissism. Alright, yes, I'm writing a lot about myself. And yes, I want people to be entertained by my blog, maybe laugh a little, and perhaps even think I'm a swell guy. But...

I guess I don't have a good "But..." that will somehow justify my blogging. I guess I'm just hoping that whoever reads this will be interested enough to have gotten to this sentence. And if not that all isn't good enough, I conclude with the great equalizer of my generations conversational wars:

"Whatever..."

My Very First Internet Weblog Posting on the World Wide Web

2007-08-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a blog. I don't know what I'll write about. My title and my blog name are exaggerations of technical speak, which I find funny. If it's annoying, let me know and I'll make sure to not do anything because it's my blog and I can do whatever I want. I want to write about the Bratz movie really soon. Lateskies.